Now, I know this seems like a really strange idea, but I think it’s a hot-button subject that’s been on everyone’s mind for quite a while now.

The Mall

Pretty sweet place, right? It’s got snacks, sales, and just general stuff. Who doesn’t love stuff?

Seriously, they’ve got everything you could need! Except for that one gift you’ve been trying to find for your mom for like three years that is somehow still on back order on Amazon.

The mall is the place to be for any growing popular kid. Seventh grade girls and ninth grade boys just cruisin’ for a bruisin’. Naturally, Kanye West would fit in perfectly here. He LOVES stuff! Who could blame him! He definitely needs the newest designer boots but also a subpar $4 cinnamon roll.

Kanye has alluded to his love for the mall on numerous occasions. Most recently in his song “All Day” in which a call and response lyric requires him to explain just how much time he spent at the mall. You guessed it. All day.

I know. We can’t assume that he loves the mall just from this one lyric. I wouldn’t present this investigation without more than one example.

In his song “N***** In Paris,” he even talks about a girlfriend of his requesting, “Ye, can we get married at the mall? You needa crawl ‘fore you ball. Come and meet me in the bathroom stall and show me why you deserve to have it all.” I believe that a reasonable conclusion to make regarding these lyrics is that Kanye is referring to the mall bathroom stall and the possibility of purchasing everything in the mall for said girlfriend. After doing a bit of research, however, I’ve discovered that it’s most likely that the girlfriend in question quite possibly is Kim K. But we all know that the Wests had a lavish wedding in Florence, Italy. The nearest mall to this is almost 20 miles away. To me, it seems like his dedication to malls is merely a fabrication.

But wait. You’d think that with all this unmistakable love there would be some proof! Like any real relationship, it’s declared on Facebook. Or there’s a post on Instagram. EVEN JUST A TWEET REVEALING THE LOCATION COULD LOCK IT IN THAT KANYE IS AT A MALL AND MOST LIKELY LOVING IT!

BUT NO! There’s nothing! In fact, the only leg that Kanye has to stand on to support his claims of loving the mall are from 2012! There are just a few measly exterior paparazzi photos of Kim and Kanye SUPPOSEDLY leaving a mall in Southern California one afternoon. Each of them with just a single bag. Including under their eyes. No one goes to the mall and leaves without any signs of wear or aging! It’s just not possible.

I reached out to Kanye for a comment, but so far, I haven’t heard back from him. Maybe he’s shopping. Or maybe he’s running frantically around his mansion panicking that the curtains have been drawn back. We know the truth, sir. And it’s okay. Malls are the worst.