On July 4, three innocent donuts were licked against their will. The affected donuts have been identified as Original Glazed, Iced Maple, and White Powered, some of America’s most popular and craved donuts. Although the American pop star, Ariana Grande, publicly apologized to her fans for her reckless licking and bashing of America, where is the justice for the donuts? These three donuts have come forward to tell their story in hopes that donuts everywhere will never have to experience the same injustice and disrespect.
The original glazed donut was the first to be publicly defiled, twice, as seen by the security footage. The donut had been in Wolfee Donuts since earlier that day. Original glazed is being held right now for further investigation by the Riverside County Department of Environmental Health, but the victim’s future remains unknown. “What good is a licked donut?” Original Glazed told us in an interview early Friday morning, “I will either be tossed or sold to the highest eBay bidder.” She asks that we keep her and the rest of his flavor family in our thoughts.
Iced Maple was tongue stroked by Grande’s back up dancer, Ricky Alvarez, moments after Original Glazed was attacked. The violated pastry is still a little shook-up, “She howled after I was lapped by her new boyfriend. I hear that cackle in my sleep.” Iced Maple shivered as he told us, “I’ve stayed strong for the donuts holes though. I know they look up to me.” He asks that we continue to pray for his full mental recovery.
The last deep fried dessert to be licked is the well-known, White Powdered. The pastry is still unsure for the reasoning behind the tongue lapping. “I keep asking myself: Why me, why me? I’m still trying to make sense of it all,” he said. The tasty treat just wishes for an apology from Grande. He also hopes that his story will stop further unconsentual licking to other donuts.
These donuts are still waiting for justice to be served. Their story is one in a DOZEN just like theirs. Many still DONUT know why such a tragedy had to happen. As for Ariana, I say we put her in the deep fryer for three accounts of unwanted licking! #justiceforthedonuts
