It’s been almost eight years since Jonathan Franzen’s article, “I Just Called to Say I Love You” was published and today I’m left half-agreeing and half-wishing for an updated version.
His article, which deals with his frustration at people saying, “I love you” on the phone in public, is somewhat hard to resonate with today. My generation has always had access to telephones, making it easy to declare this personal sentiment aloud. Walking home from class and talking on the phone, I’m not shy about saying, “I love you too, bye” before hanging up. This public display that Franzen is so adamantly against isn’t as bad as he makes it out to be. Here’s my issue (that I’m sure he has a problem with as well): posting long paragraphs proclaiming your love on Facebook and telling everyone something that should’ve only been told to your significant other.
Facebook is by all means part of the public sphere. We post pictures, status updates, information such as who we’re dating, when our birthday is, what concert we’re going to next week, etc. I can search an acquaintance from high school and easily figure out what they have been up to for the last four years simply by scrolling through their Facebook page.
Since our Facebook personas are the idealized images of ourselves that we want to broadcast to the world, posting constantly about a relationship seems a bit like…over-compensation. The act of telling someone “I love you” on Facebook is more of a performance for the public than anything else.
I loathe it, and I don’t hate anything else people post on Facebook. Political rants, how much you ran at the gym, what you ate for breakfast—all of that is fine. Here’s what I don’t want to see: “Happy 2 month anniversary to the best girlfriend! Each day with you is a gift. You make me a better person and I am so lucky to have you around.”
Maybe it’s me. Maybe I can’t get with the times. I’ve been trying to pinpoint it, and the only reasons I can come up with for why people publicly declare their love is— to spite an ex, to assert that their significant other is firmly taken, or because they’re feeling insecure. And science agrees with me.
Why else should it happen?
I’m not saying a Facebook-centric relationship is doomed. But, to everyone posting about love on Facebook, are you sure you’re actually in love? The desperate display of affection isn’t convincing me you’re happy together, in fact, it convinces me of the opposite.
While I feel a stab of pity for these couples at the moment, I’m still unfollowing them so I don’t have to see their relationship updates on my newsfeed. Because truly, no one cares. And couples shouldn't care about what people think either.
Here’s a tip: maybe spend more time working on being in a relationship rather than documenting one. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I’m probably much better off for it.
