At 12 years old I realized I was the black sheep of the family--which sucks. At 12 years old you shouldn't feel as though your family doesn't like you. I realized this at such a young age when I started dreading going to any family events because I knew I would more than likely be excluded from every conversation, or anything for that matter. I'm 19 now and still feel as though this is true, which again--sucks.
I take after my dad in almost everything. Which means, I also take after his ability to not care what anyone thinks about me. I'm proud of who I am and who I was raised to be. So, ever since I started to notice that my family wasn't exactly "fond" of me, I just stopped caring. For years, my mindset has been "I don't need anyone who doesn't need me" but of course that's a lot harder when it comes to the people who are supposed to love you. You're "family".
Family is supposed to support your hopes and dreams and push you to succeed and yet, all I've ever felt with my family was nothing but doubt and disappointment. Anytime I would talk about my future plans or what I hope to accomplish I always sensed that not only does my family think I'm crazy, but I can tell they doubt me. Which as I've already stated, sucks hardcore.
Overtime I just started to accept the fact that I didn't fit in with my family. I started to strongly believe in the fact that although we share the same blood, that does not mean we are family. Family is supposed to be there and yet some of mine have been absent. Some of my family has been absent from the big moments in my life. Some have been absent completely.
Now please do not confuse what I am saying. This is not about my whole family. I love my family and I'm blessed to be who I am. I'm saying that for a lot of my life I've felt out of place with some. I have no resentment to them, just sadness.
As I reached seventeen I started looking for that family love in my friends' homes. Some of my closest friends' families have supported me and cheered me on more than my own has. This is when I realized that family does not mean blood. I am truly blessed with the family that I have that I do not share the same blood with because they filled the void in my life that others had left for years.
Thank you to those who stayed and loved me even when some couldn't.
