When I first started to like girls in junior high I remember asking my aunt who I could always go to for advice how to talk to girls. She told me something I take with me to this day, "Be their friend." She explained to me that when you're friends with someone you naturally grow closer to them and the relationship develops authentically.
Most of the time when people talk to someone they are interested in they are trying their best to impress them. One thing that we do is we try too hard to make a good impression. Instead of being vulnerable in the conversation, we put on masks of who we think the person wants us to be so they will like us. I am not saying to tell someone every detail about your life, but I'm saying to be genuine because it allows others to feel comfortable and feel like they can share something with you.
Starting out as a friend may not be such a bad thing after all. A 2013 article on relationships from the Daily Mail revealed research from a Purdue University study that people who started off in friendships with their significant other are usually more successful in long term relationships. In order to be a friend you have to do the following: listen, be genuine, and be there for a person in their time of need. Some relationships develop quicker than others but relationships where a deep connection is made on a level of friendship and respect are the relationships worth being in. The reason for this is friendships are based on more than just physical attraction. True friendships are based on common values, emotional support, and accountability . These qualities will outlast relationships based on just physical attraction every time.
Take a look at Kanye West and Kim Kardashian-West, not to say their relationship is perfect however they were friends for almost ten years before they started dating. They are now in their third year of marriage with two children. It is reasonable to believe if they did not begin their relationship with a strong foundation of friendship their marriage may not have survived through West's mental health issues last year along with Kardashian-West's trauma after being robbed at gunpoint. Friendship and understanding each other as people outside of the romantic relationship plays a big role on how people treat one another in the difficult times of relationships.
At this stage of my life, I just want to enjoy my relationships with people whether it is familial, professional, or a friendship. This year has taught me the two most valuable things in life are relationships and time. It takes time to build relationships and when you have valuable relationships things don’t take as much time. I love talking to people and I am still learning how to communicate the most effective with them. In this era where communication is done through a screen and we have almost complete control of how we want the world to perceive us we have forgotten how to enjoy a conversation with someone and be our authentic selves. Talking to people can be difficult because we all respond differently to each other, but the worst thing we can do as people is be closed off. Some level of vulnerability is crucial in building any successful relationship especially a friendship. So next time you see someone you may be interested in it may not hurt to approach them as a friend.
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