There is a series of infamous questions and assumptions that East Asians get regularly, and quite frankly, are a little tired of answering to. You can bet your bottom dollar that I have answered each of these countless times.
Where are you from? No, like where are you from?
This is probably every Asian's most asked question. Here is a typical exchange:
Person: So where are you from?
Me: Laredo, Texas.
Person: No no, where are you from?
Me: Laredo. Texas.
Person: No, where are you really from?
Okay look, I am from Laredo, Texas. Born and raised. Asking me again and emphasizing the word “from” will not change the answer.
Wow! Your English is so good.
Well, it is my only language, so I would hope it was good. In high school, a writing coach once told me I had “such a good grasp of the language” as if it were shocking considering my ethnicity.
Is that your American name? What’s your real name?
Kassie. Kassie is my real name. Fun fact: Not all Asians have an “American” name. Yes, a fair share move to the states from an Asian country and choose an American name, but most of us just have names. Shocker, I know.
Wait, I bet I can guess. Are you Chinese? No, you’re Korean!
My ethnicity isn’t a daytime game show, and I don’t exactly enjoy standing here while you try to figure out my cultural background.
So, like, what are you?
Me? Well I’m a female! How about yourself, kind sir? I’m funny, I know. You can just ask what my ethnicity is. Asking like it’s an ambiguous mystery is not our favorite conversation starter.
Okay, but what kind of Asian are you?
The happy kind. I am a happy Asian. But just to answer your question, I am a quarter Filipina and three quarters Chinese. Oh and yes, Asians can be both academically and socially inclined.
Can you tell the different kinds of Asians apart?
Yes, there’s this sixth sense Asians have. I don’t even have to look at them and boom, I can tell their exact heritage.
*To Asian women* Do you like Asian guys?
I enjoy attractive faces, and if that face happens to be Asian, then I guess? We don’t exactly have a specific preference geared towards “men of our kind.”
Say something in Chinese! Please!
If I had a dollar for every time I got this one, I wouldn’t need FAFSA. I do not speak my native languages of Mandarin or Tagalog. I’m sorry to disappoint.
Do your parents punish you if you don’t make all A’s?
Well I did get a B in high school calculus and I’m still alive, so, no, my parents don’t go ballistic when I am not as high achieving, as we are often perceived to be.
What kinds of doctors are your parents?
At every clinic I went to, they asked me who my parents were and if they were the local pediatricians (that were in fact Asian). Nope, sorry. My mom is an elementary school teacher and my dad was in the import export business. Not all Asians are doctors.
Can you teach me how to use chopsticks?
Yes. Yes, I can teach you how to use chopsticks. Despite the fact that you just assumed I knew how to use them even though we aren’t eating.
When did you move to the states? How long have your parents been in America?
Well I was born on November 19, 1997, so I guess I moved here on November 19, 1997. My parents moved to America more than 25 years ago, but I’m sorry, why is this pertinent again?
Hey, are you related to __________ (anyone with a remotely Asian last name)?
Yes. I am related to every Asian you have ever met. Ever. I do not think Asians can emphasize this enough: we are not all related.
While these questions may seem harmless to the naked eye, for Asians, they can become quite exhaustive. Don’t worry, we don’t bite. Unless you ask us one of these questions.
