6 Judgements About The 'Nice Girl' That Need To Stop

6 Judgements About The 'Nice Girl' That Need To Stop

We're more than you think.

It's happened to me before.

I'm talking to someone, and I do something (something some people consider as oddly kind). Then, the words soon to follow:

"Oh, you're so nice."

When I hear those words, I cringe.

Actually, it's gotten to the point that one of my biggest phobias is being written off as "that nice girl."

Frankly, those three words are loaded with a lot of judgement and carry with them way more assumptions than people realize. Thank you, but I don't fit neatly into a one-size-fits all goody-two shoes profile.

Yes, I actually have individuality, and it might surprise you if you'd just stop seeing through all the "nice girl" assumptions you (often unknowingly) associate with us.

To all my girls who've been categorized as oh so nice, this one's for you.

To all my categorizers, please, see us as individuals and stop plastering the following judgements:

1. You have no backbone.

The oh-you're-so-nice can register in people's minds as oh-she's-never-gonna-stand-up to anybody.

News flash, kindness is not synonymous with doormat.

Yes, I may say something kind to someone or be "nice" to somebody you think is not-so-nice, but watch out for when my passions are ignited.

When I have an opinion, when I care about something, who are you to assume that I'm going to not stand up?

2. You care about harmony more than anything.

OK, flat out "no" to this one.

Just because I'm "nicely" concerned that other people are included and try to meet the needs of others (even emotional ones) does not mean that "harmony" is all I want.

Actually, sometimes it's the furthest thing that I desire.

I care more about having healthy relationships and communication than I do about having a "peaceful" situation where "everybody gets along." A lot of the times, living with relationships with that level of communication (which often means deep honesty and chance for offense) means open conflict.

Guess what? I (time after time after time) choose the conflict in order to have real relationships. Don't think I'm not capable of this.

3. You have small, "nice" ambitions and dreams.

OK, just because I spoke kindly to a stranger doesn't mean that I'm abnormally hyper-altruistic and only desire to make the world a happier place filled with more sunshine and rainbows.

Sometimes, I'd actually prefer the rain and skip the rainbow because storms mean challenges and I love to overcome them.

Who are you to automatically assume that I'd like to keep the boat in the harbor and never try anything new? Why do you assume that I want everything to fit together so perfectly?

My dreams (if you were to actually ask) might surprise you.

They could involve world change. They could involve doing things that are extremely risky and incredibly hard. Yes, they could even involve doing things that "normal" not-nice people are too afraid to start.

You miss it all when you let a label slap over your eyes and blind you to the person actually in front of you.

4. You just want a "nice" life (and world).

My concept of a happy and meaningful world is not one where everyone joins hands and sings kumbaya around a campfire.

My concept of a happy and meaningful life is nowhere near having a white picket fence and while having two children and being in the know about organic baby food.

No (oh no).

I want a world where people are unafraid of their future and live with courage despite inevitable turbulent times. I want a world where people people learn what it means to be catalyzed with hope in a world that can seem so desperate.

I want a life that shows what overcoming and handwork can result in if only you are faithful enough to live and make the most of everything. I want a life that is fierce in wholehearted pursuit of all that makes life worth living.

"Nice" is one of the last words I would use to describe all this.

5. You can't be upset.

Just because I try to have communication be as healthy as possible (and sometimes that means speaking "nice" so that conversation can be maintained) does not mean I can never be agitated.

Actually, I kind of wish I couldn't ever be irritated because that would be incredibly convenient. However, that is not the case.

I get passionate. I can get frustrated. Yes, I can get angry and upset.

I'm human, just like you.

6. You have little to contribute.

This one may get me the most frustrated of all.

Because I was "nice" and enthusiastic when hearing about someone's summer does not mean that all I have to say and do is give positive feedback about other people's experiences.

Actually, I've had experiences of my own, and I'm all for going on new adventures and solving new problems together.

I have skills, desires, strengths and weaknesses just like you do. These contribute to a team just like yours do. We all need each other, and that includes everyone.

To sum it all up, please, watch your vocabulary. When you label someone as "that nice girl" you might be surprise at how much else you're assuming about them, too.

Just because they say or do something "nice" or are "enthusiastic," "positive," or "kind" does not mean that they are made of marshmallow fluff and float through life with their head in the clouds.

All I'm asking is for you to be open. To be willing to actually get to know someone.

You might be surprised by what you find.

Cover Image Credit: Pinterest

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To My Best Friend Who Taught Me What True Friendship Is, I Can't Thank You Enough

"To the person who will love you endlessly, love her with kindness and understanding."

Dear Best Friend,

You have been a part of my life for quite some time now. You have seen my good, bad, and ugly sides and have stuck by my side through it all. I don't know if I could ever find the words to truly thank you for everything your friendship has given me, but I am definitely going to try.

Our lives have taken some twist and turn these past few years, but we have stayed strong through it all.

Thank you for judging me just the right amount.

Throughout our friendship, I have made some very questionable decisions. A lot of people would say "thanks for never judging me", but I feel like everyone needs a best friend who's going to tell them how it is; to tell them when they are about to make a bad decision or how to avoid something worse from happening. You have always told me how it is (even when I don't always want to hear it), but I know that I can come to you whenever I need someone to set me straight.

You're always down to do nothing with me.

I think that you are the one person that I can call up to hang out and do absolutely nothing with and have a good time. From the nights sitting in and playing card games to ordering Chinese food and watching an entire Netflix series while I dance around with the cat: I know that we could do anything, and nothing together and it would be fun.

But also, you're always down to get lit with me.

I swear one day we will be two old moms at a bar drinking vodka crans and laughing about the stupid shit our husbands and children do. You're always down to go out and have a good time. Even if everyone else we're with is miserable, we find a way to laugh at ourselves.

You are one of the few constant things in my life.

I've lost a lot of friends in my life, but you have stayed by my side through everything. I can't remember the last time we actually fought about anything, but even when we do we can't stay mad at each other for more than a day. I know we will be in each other's lives until we literally keel over.

I want you yo know that you're the strongest person I know.

You've dealt with things that not many people go through ever in their life. You have always been so mature, and you handle everything with grace. You inspire me every day with your goals and successes and I am so proud of you and all of your accomplishments.

Above all else, you deserve the world.

It's so easy to get caught up in your own mind and think that you deserve the things that happen to you, but please know that the only thing you deserve is happiness. Please settle for nothing short of that. It may take a bit to find your happiness, but I will be there every step of the way. You're a remarkable human being, and I want nothing but the best for you.

To the person who will hold your heart someday, please do not break it. To the person who may wrong you, you will regret it forever. To the person who will love you endlessly, love her with kindness and understanding.

You, my best friend, future bridesmaid, godmother of my children, the person to bail me out of jail, the one who lets me cry on their couch for twelve hours,

I love you.

I will cherish our friendship forever. Thank you for being you.

Love always,

Your best friend.

Cover Image Credit: Adriana Ranieri

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To The Friends Who Became My Family

Most of us didn't know each other but we felt this energy and connection that would connect us for life

I've always felt like an outsider no matter where I've gone. Almost like I would never find my place in this world. The moment that I thought I'd found it, my world turned upside down, at the time I thought I'd never bounce back. I was so very wrong.

A few months later after going down that road, I was introduced to this amazing group of people who had come from so many different places and recently formed together. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and when it comes to this moment in my life I know that it's true. These people have brought so much opportunity and positivity into my life. They've given me the drive to be this amazing person. I never knew where I belonged, I felt like a misfit toy, or the puzzle in the 100-piece box that doesn't fit, no matter which way you move it.

They made me feel like I could belong anywhere, with anyone.

They've given this new view of life that I've been lacking. A lot has to do with my own level of confidence, and they've truly helped build that.

After meeting them the world began to make sense again. I was able to find my way for the first time in years. I wouldn't be the person I am today without having them in my life. They've made me realize that in college I'm the guys' girl, and I love having all my guy friends. I would be completely lost without them. I was able to see all the good in the world that I was unable to see before. I know always see the most positive outlook on everything.

Now that I see the world in a new light, it seems that the world has seen me for who I truly am.

After coming together with these people I've met so many amazing people who I never thought I would meet in my life or be friends with. I've never been luckier in my life than the moment that they all walked into it. I felt like they saved me from a dark hole, and I have no idea how to thank them, other than writing an article to show my gratitude.

This one is for y'all, so thank you.

Thank you for being there when I need it, for having my back no matter what, and for pushing me. I didn't think that I could do or be half the person I am, but because of you, I am. I am myself for the first time in life, and I have no shame about who that is.

I miss you guys and wouldn't be able to survive college without you. I know that when we all venture away from each other and no longer live together we will make sure that once a year we come together. We try for once a month and have done such a good job at that, but when life gets busy I know that once a year will be enough because it will seem like no time has ever been spent apart.

To those reading this, if you find a group that makes you feel this way or even just a few people, don't ever let them go. Make the time to see each other and don't lose touch.

Life gets hard, but it without your people makes it so much harder.

I love my team, I love my squad. The moment that we first all "prayed" together I felt slightly ridiculous but then I realized that we all come from different places, and different backgrounds, but at that moment, we came together. Most of us didn't know each other but we felt this energy and connection that would connect us for life.

So here is what I want to say to you "I've always felt like an outsider, and I've had friends, a lot. I've even had friends that I love and couldn't live without, but you guys have become my family, you have become these people that I couldn't imagine living without. In such a short time you've become amazing human beings who I've seen grow and prosper throughout these friendships that each and every one of us has made. I wouldn't change the world for the moment we have, and the memories we all make.

You guys are my family, and I can't thank you enough for saving me because you truly have.

Cover Image Credit: Maddison Boys

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