6 Judgements About The 'Nice Girl' That Need To Stop

6 Judgements About The 'Nice Girl' That Need To Stop

We're more than you think.

It's happened to me before.

I'm talking to someone, and I do something (something some people consider as oddly kind). Then, the words soon to follow:

"Oh, you're so nice."

When I hear those words, I cringe.

Actually, it's gotten to the point that one of my biggest phobias is being written off as "that nice girl."

Frankly, those three words are loaded with a lot of judgement and carry with them way more assumptions than people realize. Thank you, but I don't fit neatly into a one-size-fits all goody-two shoes profile.

Yes, I actually have individuality, and it might surprise you if you'd just stop seeing through all the "nice girl" assumptions you (often unknowingly) associate with us.

To all my girls who've been categorized as oh so nice, this one's for you.

To all my categorizers, please, see us as individuals and stop plastering the following judgements:

1. You have no backbone.

The oh-you're-so-nice can register in people's minds as oh-she's-never-gonna-stand-up to anybody.

News flash, kindness is not synonymous with doormat.

Yes, I may say something kind to someone or be "nice" to somebody you think is not-so-nice, but watch out for when my passions are ignited.

When I have an opinion, when I care about something, who are you to assume that I'm going to not stand up?

2. You care about harmony more than anything.

OK, flat out "no" to this one.

Just because I'm "nicely" concerned that other people are included and try to meet the needs of others (even emotional ones) does not mean that "harmony" is all I want.

Actually, sometimes it's the furthest thing that I desire.

I care more about having healthy relationships and communication than I do about having a "peaceful" situation where "everybody gets along." A lot of the times, living with relationships with that level of communication (which often means deep honesty and chance for offense) means open conflict.

Guess what? I (time after time after time) choose the conflict in order to have real relationships. Don't think I'm not capable of this.

3. You have small, "nice" ambitions and dreams.

OK, just because I spoke kindly to a stranger doesn't mean that I'm abnormally hyper-altruistic and only desire to make the world a happier place filled with more sunshine and rainbows.

Sometimes, I'd actually prefer the rain and skip the rainbow because storms mean challenges and I love to overcome them.

Who are you to automatically assume that I'd like to keep the boat in the harbor and never try anything new? Why do you assume that I want everything to fit together so perfectly?

My dreams (if you were to actually ask) might surprise you.

They could involve world change. They could involve doing things that are extremely risky and incredibly hard. Yes, they could even involve doing things that "normal" not-nice people are too afraid to start.

You miss it all when you let a label slap over your eyes and blind you to the person actually in front of you.

4. You just want a "nice" life (and world).

My concept of a happy and meaningful world is not one where everyone joins hands and sings kumbaya around a campfire.

My concept of a happy and meaningful life is nowhere near having a white picket fence and while having two children and being in the know about organic baby food.

No (oh no).

I want a world where people are unafraid of their future and live with courage despite inevitable turbulent times. I want a world where people people learn what it means to be catalyzed with hope in a world that can seem so desperate.

I want a life that shows what overcoming and handwork can result in if only you are faithful enough to live and make the most of everything. I want a life that is fierce in wholehearted pursuit of all that makes life worth living.

"Nice" is one of the last words I would use to describe all this.

5. You can't be upset.

Just because I try to have communication be as healthy as possible (and sometimes that means speaking "nice" so that conversation can be maintained) does not mean I can never be agitated.

Actually, I kind of wish I couldn't ever be irritated because that would be incredibly convenient. However, that is not the case.

I get passionate. I can get frustrated. Yes, I can get angry and upset.

I'm human, just like you.

6. You have little to contribute.

This one may get me the most frustrated of all.

Because I was "nice" and enthusiastic when hearing about someone's summer does not mean that all I have to say and do is give positive feedback about other people's experiences.

Actually, I've had experiences of my own, and I'm all for going on new adventures and solving new problems together.

I have skills, desires, strengths and weaknesses just like you do. These contribute to a team just like yours do. We all need each other, and that includes everyone.

To sum it all up, please, watch your vocabulary. When you label someone as "that nice girl" you might be surprise at how much else you're assuming about them, too.

Just because they say or do something "nice" or are "enthusiastic," "positive," or "kind" does not mean that they are made of marshmallow fluff and float through life with their head in the clouds.

All I'm asking is for you to be open. To be willing to actually get to know someone.

You might be surprised by what you find.

Cover Image Credit: Pinterest

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To My Best Friend, We Can't Be Separated By Time Or Distance

Thank God I never have to experience that.

To my best friend:

We were seven years old when my family moved into your neighborhood. You and your mom brought over a dessert to welcome us; we were both intrigued by each other, itching to know more. From the first moment I met you I wanted to be your friend, and eleven years later I'm so glad I was.

Summer after sixth grade I mysteriously left. I didn't get to say goodbye, I wasn't expecting it, and I wouldn't be close to you. You were there for all my good, and all my bad, you were without a doubt my best friend.

I'm not going to lie, keeping up a friendship where we only saw each other once every three years was hard. BUT MAN, it's so worth it. Every birthday text, or random I miss you. The random love, or the reminiscing. There's nothing that compares.

Your family is my family, and I'd never trade them for the world. Even when we're all broken and messy, I wouldn't change a thing. Your tears are my tears, your victories are my victories. My failures are yours, and my pain aches through you. You're the best friend who gushes over my love life, and never judges.

Some points in our friendship were definitely easier than others. Holding you as we sobbed into each other's arms uncontrollably was not easy, but if I only knew the time it was going to be until I saw you again. Sometimes I doubted whether I'd hold the same place in your heart. We didn't have much to share except for memories. I wasn't there every day, yet every time I saw you again we picked back up like it was nothing.

As if I never left.

You're my best friend through it all. You're my encouragement, my rock, and the one I will always call on. You will be my maid of honor, and we will become doctors together. Our kids will play together as we reminisce while drinking wine. We will laugh through the good, and cry through the bad.

You're my best friend. No matter what, you will always have me. No matter the distance, no matter the season, you will always have a place in my heart. Life without you sucks, and I thank God I never have to experience that. Thank you for the last eleven years of friendship, here's to at least eighty more.

Cover Image Credit: Sarah Stofel

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An Open Letter To The Friends I Made While Studying Abroad

We are a family now.

Dear Family,

I am writing this from my home in East Lansing, while watching snow fall outside my window – and that makes me sad because it means that I am not walking the sunny streets of Barcelona with all of you. There are very few things I wouldn’t do to be back there again, touring the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona and then heading to Madrid for some Spanish cider and chocolate con churros.

I was intimated to go to Spain with a group of people I didn’t know. After having only seen your faces four times before we boarded that 10-hour flight together, I was anxious – to say the least – about what the next week was going to hold. But meeting you all, as we sat at our gate and discussed that night’s plans, reassured me that the trip would be one of the best of my life.

We made some pretty odd memories together. From getting drenched in Toledo, to reuniting Marlin and Nemo at Espit Chupitos, to crying while giving toasts at dinner – our adventures in Spain will be some I will never forget.

Spain is an amazing country; the culture is entertaining, the architecture is spectacular, the history is strong. But Spain would not have been the same without all of you.

I want to thank you all for existing. Our little group – Mi Sagrada Familia – made Spain that much more beautiful. Getting to experience everything with you, to share in each excursion and have people to laugh with, made the journey that much better. I am so grateful to have met each one of you, to have gotten to know you personally, and to share with you each of you a piece of myself. It was an honor to be a part of our little family.

Now that we are back home, know that nothing has changed. I still want to hear about your lives, laugh about your failures and your poor decisions, applaud your successes, and videotape those moments that you may (or may not) want to remember years from now. I want our little family to remain close. We need each other now, more than ever, because reality in East Lansing is so much more painful than in Spain.

I raise a glass of cava to each one of you and your amazing personalities. You are wonderful human beings who deserve the whole world. Thank you for making my study abroad that much more impactful. You are some of the best friends a girl could ask for.

I look forward to our next journey – whether it be to Prague, or to speak English in an Italian accent at that couple’s wedding, or to visit our favorite tour guide in The Netherlands. Wherever we go, and whatever we do, I know that the time spent with all of you will be an adventure of a lifetime.

Know that I will think of you every time I hear "God's Plan" come on the radio, or smell garlic, or call sunglasses 'Sunnys.'

With all of my love,


Cover Image Credit: Allia McDowell

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