“[It] is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” — Carrie Fischer
Many of us have friends moving on to different cities, taking on different jobs, or traveling for months in foreign countries or squished in vans with their dogs. We seem to sit idly and watch as things move around us -- making our lives seem slow and stagnant. Feelings of envy and jealousy bubble up and leech out into conversation and thus into our vocabulary. These words can hold weight and are often negative and triggered by certain situations.
Have you stopped to ask yourself what is actually triggering you? Recently, I have taken the time to observe these feelings of envy and jealousy and try to break them down to see where they are coming from. I ask myself: Are they surface emotions -- or are they deeply rooted? Do they stem from fear or an insecurity? Am I homesick or nostalgic for the past? Have I set great, almost unachievable expectations for myself that I am currently unable to reach? Am I unhappy with my current state of being, causing my foundation to be weak and my insecurities to flourish?
I personally believe that if one's foundation is weak, you begin to project your fears and insecurities onto others. This can often appear as feelings of jealousy (negative) or envy (positive). Let's break apart envy and jealous to better understand these feelings that can arise:
Envy
en·vy /ˈenvē/
noun
A feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.
Jealousy
jeal·ous·y /ˈjeləsē/
noun
Most contemporary conceptualizations of jealousy define it by focusing on situational antecedents. These feelings often stem from deeply rooted insecurity, fear, trauma, and loneliness; usually, a temporary feeling triggered by a situation.
As you can see, both words arise from places of negativity and fear-based logic. We must ask ourselves, what is good in our lives? What do we value and what are our achievements?
Can we use envy as a positive force in our life -- as a means to push us forward and out of our comfort zone. Can we use it as a way to turn the mirror inward -- to seek within ourselves why we are feeling envious, where it may be coming from, and what we may be anxious or insecure about that is causing these emotions to arise. Once we are able to break apart where our envy or jealousy is coming from -- can we erase it completely?
Strengthening one's foundation is no easy task. It requires a lot of energy to take a deep, introspective look at oneself. You must question everything. However, you will not be able to move forward if you continue to compare yourself to others. Stay open and remember that everyone is traveling at different speeds, with different trajectories and end points -- your foundation is also constantly changing. Begin to remove the unnecessary things from your life and ask yourself "does this benefit me and my long term goal?" If not, let it go. This may be the first step into cracking open your faulty foundation in order to abolish these negative feelings of envy or jealousy.
