Jealousy if often portrayed as a little green eyed monster which embodies envy and jealousy. This feeling usually leads to a disruption in our interpersonal relationships and generates a loss of genuine connection with those we're jealous of.
The emotion jealousy is one we've all experienced at one point in our lives. It's completely human, yet it's a damaging emotion to our social life and self confidence. When this little monster rears its ugly head it creates unnecessary conflict and hinders us from feeling joy for those we care about. It leaves us feeling poorly about ourselves and destroys our self confidence.
Jealousy has personally been a struggle in my life for a while. It's an emotion I've learned I need to actively work on, be aware of, and evaluate why I'm feeling this way. Jealousy has held me back from being happy for those I care about and their accomplishments.
Jealousy has grown to be such an influence in my life that it feels like my little green monster is my own personal pet. It's a companion which keeps me from rejoicing with others, and it leaves me feeling frustrated and unaccomplished in life when compared to others.
Back in high school, there was a friendship I had which stemmed off of jealous feelings towards the other. By simply being around this person, I felt bad about myself, and critically evaluated where I was in life... And it wasn't ever enough. I felt bad about how I wasn't able to look as flawless without trying; bad about how little I had seemed to achieved academically and athletically compared to them; and awful about how I seemed to be the second rate clone of this other person. Second rate.... That's how I saw myself, and how I thought others saw me whenever we were together.
I was that girl, trying to live up to this person I had placed on the pedestal of perfection.
I'd try, really try, to be happy for their accomplishments, and successes, but it was so hard! Everyday I tried to convince myself that this person had faults like me, that they really weren't perfect, because no one is. (Right?) However, making myself aware of their humanness was only temporary; I always found myself slipping back into my jealous mindset.
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After coming to college, and being apart from this person, I was able to face what I was really feeling all those years. I came to the long awaited realization that it's best to cut myself off from this relationship that left me feeling awful about myself and took such a powerful toll on my self confidence.
After realizing that I was healthier and happier without this relationship, and desperately trying to make it work, I was finally able to admit my own feelings to myself, accept them, and move on. Separating myself from this toxic relationship was such an invigorating experience, and one I wish I would have had sooner!
Jealousy is still present in my life, and I still see it affecting my current relationships, but because of my past experience, I've been able to recognize how I feel. I am able to healthily manage my feelings and understand why I feel this way.
