I, sadly like most people, had/have this desire to look thin, be pretty, and have other people like me. I've been like this for as long as I could remember. I always thought I was "too fat," "too weird," "annoying," and just "not pretty enough."
Growing up, a lot of kids and teens felt this way. It's sad to think that we were all trying to be liked and attain this certain body image that almost impossible. The problem is that now that I'm older and I look back I realize how thin I actually was. I would be beyond happy to be as thin as I was back then. Isn't that the case with everyone though?
I remember being so depressed, self-conscious, and feeling bad about my body image. I never wanted to show my skin and I always wore shorts in the pool. This went on for years; all of junior high and high school I was just this mess that always wanted to look different.
Now here I am in my last year of college and I've never been more confident! I go to the beach just wearing a bikini, I show my face without makeup, and I don't let other people's opinions adjust my way of living. You guys are probably thinking I lost a lot of weight, started eating healthy, or completely changed my body image, but NOPE. I did the exact opposite, I gained around 30 pounds, I stopped worrying about the need to look perfect and I focused on myself.
I was under the impression that in order to be happy I needed to be skinny and look pretty, but it's the exact opposite. I'm happy, so in response I feel pretty and don't care about my weight. I spent my four years of high school focusing on myself. I remember starting each year with the plan to build on my emotional health because I noticed it was unhealthy, the way I was viewing myself.
By focusing on my emotional health and state of being, I was able to feel a confidence I've never felt. It is still a goal of mine to start working out and eating healthy, but I stopped thinking of it as a chain reaction to get me skinny then make me happy. I now think of it as a way to improve my mental health which results in happiness.
