Once upon a time, I was scared to be myself. I was scared of the constant judgment and strange comments I would receive if I didn’t quite fit in with everyone else. Growing up as an only child and as a first-generation American was difficult. I didn’t have an older sibling to test the waters for me and warn me of the social norms which I was expected to follow. And I didn’t have American parents who knew the American culture, customs, and way of thinking. So essentially, I was alone. I was alone in figuring out how to fit in with other people. But what I also didn't realize was just how much freedom this gave me to develop myself.
As a young child, I always wanted to be normal, to fit in with all of the other kids. My very first lesson in self-acceptance came in Kindergarten. I was five years old and already disliked the fact that I was different. I remember telling my mom one day that I hated my bright blonde hair. I told her that no one else in my class had blonde hair and so because of that, I wanted to change the color of my hair. She gently smiled and told me that looking different wasn’t a bad thing. In fact, as people got older, they wanted to look more like me and so they artificially dyed their hair. So that had me convinced. I wasn’t going to change the color of my hair.
The second lesson in self-acceptance came in first grade. Growing up with parents who were both fluent in other languages, I, of course, didn’t have much say when it came to learning another language. Now, I proudly say that yes, I was that kid that went to German Saturday School. Not only did I formally learn German at a language school, but I was taught Polish at home. Though now I very much appreciate my parents forcing me to learn these two languages, this wasn’t always the case. When I was around the age of six, I told my parents to stop speaking German and Polish to me. It was embarrassing. I was embarrassed to speak out in public with my parents because no one else did it and because I thought it attracted strange looks. Plus, my friends would always ask what I was talking about with my parents. But, that was before I realized how valuable knowing not only one foreign language was, but two! Only later was it when I became cognizant of the fact that I could gossip about people in public without them ever realizing it. Or that I could say something really private to my mom with my friends being present and not have them understand. It was like a secret super power!
I constantly got picked on and teased in school for my mannerisms, for the way that I looked, and for the fact that I didn’t always follow social norms. But, the older I got, the more I truly began to come out of my shell and embrace my weird quirks, differences, and unlikeliness to follow all of the expected social norms and mannerisms. I realized that people could either accept me and love me for who I am or screw off. Because if you can’t handle being greeted 9/10 times on FaceTime with a weird chipmunk face, watching me eat pizza with a fork and a knife, sit through one of my laughing fits, handle my constant mispronunciation of words, me saying “no ways” instead of “no way,” my partially existent verbal dyslexia, the fact that I’m incredibly opinionated, me laughing before I hit the punchline of my super cheesy joke (and yes, that is joke, singular), that I trip over my own two feet and accidentally walk into walls, the fact that I laugh at things that really aren’t that funny, my honest opinion, often questioning your beliefs and your reasons, and the fact that I put too much thought behind what ice-cream flavor to get, I really don’t care to have you in my life.
Throughout my 19, almost 20 years on this planet, I have had many battles to fight and many realizations which have come from those hard fought battles. I have realized that being different is wonderful. In fact, I would hate to be anything but my authentic self. I would hate to have to put on a mask just to please everyone else, except for myself. But like many things, this wasn’t something I automatically realized. I didn’t come into this world knowing that being different was a good thing. At first, I thought the contrary. But now, I just want to scream from the rooftops that I’m happy to be me and that I’m not afraid to be me. I don’t care how many people dislike me for who I am because I very well know that while there may be people who dislike me, there are also people in this world who like and love me just for who I am. These are the people that aren’t only able to handle my weird quirks, but take amusement in them and appreciate me for being me.
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” – Marilyn Monroe
