I don’t hate Christmas. It’s not my favorite holiday (that would be Halloween), but I do have many a warm and fuzzy Christmas memory. But as the pumpkins are put away and I’m forced to change my Ghostbusters-themed ring tone until next October, there is something that bothers me. The out of place, out of season music. A disease that is sweeping the city as well as the nation: Premature Christmas Celebration Syndrome.
Walk into a mall and see the winter wonderland already in place. Go downtown and see a fake Christmas tree that has already been strategically attached to a building. Go into a supermarket and you see the holiday aisle in full swing and the decorations up. Even in the month of October the tragically neglected All Hallows Eve merchandise seems hopelessly neglected. Christmas in July is fun; Christmas in October is a little crazy. I’ve grown used to people frothing at the mouth for Christmas Specials the day after Thanksgiving, but before Halloween?
I am not the Grinch. I love making gingerbread houses. I love watching Frosty come back to life. I love seeing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer save Christmas and prove everyone wrong. I love the joy in my baby cousins' faces watching Charlie Brown Christmas Specials. And I pretty much love anything candy-cane flavored. But not in October, or even November. Not when the leaves are still falling and I still have Halloween candy. So fight PCCS. Fight it with every fiber of your being. Don't start singing Christmas carols when the actual holiday is two months away.
It's. Too. Soon. It’s too soon for eggnog. It’s too soon for my yearly existentialist crisis about teaching small humans to believe in Santa. It’s too soon to even think about subjecting my relatives to my annual "the history of Thanksgiving is awful" rant. It's too soon to hand my favorite radio station over to Christmas Music. It’s too soon to point out the date rapey subtext of "Baby It’s Cold Outside."
I don’t like Thanksgiving. I’m all for gratitude but, as a humanitarian, there’s something that feels wrong about dressing up like a pilgrim and commemorating those genocidal maniacs that we call our founders and yet another way they screwed the Native Americans over with their imperialist values. Plus I’m a picky vegetarian, so I often end up having pizza and politely turning down side dishes anyway.
Where was I?
I don’t like Thanksgiving, but even with my Thanksgiving dislike I cannot help but cringe at seeing the life-size Santa Claus on my neighbor’s lawn.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is, by all means deck the halls. String popcorn or whatever. Debate the race of St. Nicholas (he was from Turkey). Spend way too much on babies who will end up playing with boxes. Drink eggnog. Watch "A Christmas Story" 24 hours in a row. But can we at least wait until December?
