In the middle of this lovely summer, I've found myself having to say "yes" or "no" to certain plans.
A lot of times I find that I really want to do something, but I either need time to myself or I am just tired. Some days I will wake up, go to the gym, do online class work, then go to real work, and come home feeling deflated and exhausted. As much as I would love to reach out to people to do something chill and low-key, I just know it won't be a good time for either of us.
From this experience, I also completely understand when my friends cannot keep the plans they have made with me. I'm not saying that they are a serial plan-canceller's, I'm saying that maybe 1 out of every 5 plans they have to cancel. I have friends that work two jobs because they need to pay bills and have more financial responsibility than myself. I can completely see and understand how draining working all day can be. I would never give them shit or make them feel bad for being honest and saying, "listen, I'm just so tired and need time to myself," or even "I just don't feel like it." As long as you're honest with me, I will never fault you.
I just want people to realize that it's okay to say "no" when someone asks to hang out. It's also not too much to expect them to understand your answer. As much as you might want to go out on Friday or Saturday night, it just might not be beneficial to you. In addition to that, going out drinking isn't everyone's definition of a good time. I personally waver between wanting to go out sometimes, and at other times wanting to go on a nice walk around Bluff Point.
I don't want people to think that this means you should just fall off the face of the earth and never see anyone again. There is a certain point where you do have to make time for the people that are important to you. A friend only stays a friend if you make the effort. At the same time, if you're trying to better yourself, then it's okay to let the friends that don't understand this fall off the radar. In the "Seasons of Life" by Jim Rohn he says it's better to have a few good friends than to have a lot of friends that are not good. Further, it's better to have no friends than to have a few friends that are not good for you.
We need to understand that friendship and personal growth are inextricably linked. The people you surround yourself with determines a big piece of who you are now and who you will be in the future. I know it's super cliche, but it's the truth. The friend that doesn't make you feel bad for not having time for them that week is the friend that will stick around through all the hard times and be there for good. Don't feel bad if you have to cancel plans and take a night to watch Netflix by yourself. Do what feels good for you, make time for those that matter, and remove the unnecessary people and habits from your life.
