About a year ago, I met a new friend, and during a conversation between this new friend and I, I mentioned a problem I was having that I hoped he would be able to help me with. A mutual friend and his cousin (both male) wanted to have a threesome with me. It was one of those things where it was something I 100% did not want to be apart of, but I also wanted to do it, because the mutual friend was someone I was interested in. I wanted to show him that I was interested, and participating in this threesome was maybe the way to do that. The friend told me, “It’s up to you”, and I replied with, “Yeah, you’re right. It’s just that I am a virgin, and I don’t think that this is the right way for me to lose my virginity.” The friend said, “You’re a virgin?” I said, “Yes” and wondered what he meant by that. It wasn’t the first time a person had that reaction when I told them I was still a virgin, and I never knew if they saw that as a good or bad thing.

“There is a lot of pressure these days to have sex. Good for you for not giving in” my friend said.

I lost my virginity to him a week later, but I digress…

The point is, while I was sitting here assuming everyone thought I was either a prude for not having sex or that they thought I was slutty, and me still being a virgin surprised them. The entire time it is quite possible that I was admirable for keeping it in my pants. It is quite possible that others regretted there choice to give it up, and they envied me for still having my virginity. I mean, it is also possible that people think I am a prude or they are shocked that this girl they assume is a slut in fact is not. The feeling that people saw me as less of a person for being a virgin strengthened as I got older. Being over 21 and still holding my v-card started to make me feel a little bit of shame. But, I am here to tell you something: losing your virginity is not everything, and it certainly is not the only thing.

I had boyfriends in middle and high school. With all of them I had mentioned having sex to them, and during all of these relationships, we took things to that level, and they ended. Once I started forcing it the relationship ended, and, now that I am older, I see that it was because this guys and I were so young. I had my first boyfriend at 13. Thirteen. That is way too young to lose your virginity, and I had honestly just started learning sex terminology (for example: I had just learned what a blow-job was, and I had also honestly just learned how sex leads to babies. Don’t judge me). I had fooled around in my teen years, and had some somewhat sexual experiences with boys, but I had not had actual intercourse yet. Why? Well, the answer is simple: it was not meant to be with any of those boys. When it was suppose to happen it would happen, and I didn’t want to make it happen unless I felt right about it. My first boyfriend was at 13, my most recent boyfriend left when I was 17, and we were not ready despite being together on and off for two years. I had issues with my body, and I didn’t really have a safe place to have sex. Nothing lined up just right, but then I met someone who made me feel great about my body, and we found a safe place to go, and it happened. Nothing was forced. No pressure. No regrets. Just two close friends having sex, and it was perfect. That’s how it should be for everyone: natural and comfortable. If I had done it in my teens, I’d probably have some regrets. Things between the person I lost my virginity to and I are over, but I still look at him with respect and trust. I’ll never regret it.

We as a society put too much emphasis on sex and sexual relationships. Teens are having sex, and the age at which teens are losing their virginity is dropping to as low as 13 years of age, and it is all due to the media exposing kids and teens to sexual situations all too often. It is rare that you talk to your classmates on the day of your high school graduation and find that less than half the class is still a virgin. That was me – I was a virgin until I was 22, and I always thought there was something wrong with that. Truth is, there was absolutely nothing wrong with that – it was actually admirable.

I am writing today to tell anyone who is in their twenties and still a virgin that it is OK. Don’t rush it. Don’t force it. Just let it happen on it’s own. Listen to you and your body. When it is the right time your heart and mind will tell you. The worst thing you can do it lose it to just anyone, because that’ll only lead to regret. Of course, everyone is comfortable with their own thing, so if a random one night stand is how you want to get it done, then do it, but you definitely shouldn’t have a threesome with two guys you barely know simply because one of them has gorgeous long brown hair and amazing abs. That is not the right way to do it. Meet someone you trust with all you’ve got – even if he or she is just a really close friend. Know that it won’t end in hurt or regret. But, if my advice does not work for you, that’s OK. Do what feels right for you – not what someone else is pressuring you to do, even if that means being a virgin in your 20s.

It does not matter how old you are: being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed about. You’re still a great person, and someday someone will believe that so much about you that blood will rush to their crotch at such a rate that it causes them to take their pants off and let you have your way with them, but, until then, you are amazing. So, to all you older virgins out there, you’ll be OK.