I cannot even begin to believe that in November it will have been a year since my heart broke into a million little pieces. I remember that night like it was yesterday. Getting texts from several people with pictures of you with another girl. God the pain I felt that night. Laying on the floor in the team room trying to hide the tears, friends grabbing my phone to try and see what was happening. While I was laying on that floor, face buried in the floor, wrapped so tight in my sweatshirt to try and feel secure, in that moment I thought for sure it would never get better. And I thought that for sure if when I ever got over you, I would never be able to trust someone again, sacred they would do what you did.

But that was a year ago. A long year I might add and one that you have made far from easy. Whether it be your demeaning little comments or the constant bragging about how you got to move on and be happy with a girl you used to break my heart. I look back at our 3 and a half years together and wonder where it all went wrong, when I stopped making you happy. Where the “love you’s” turned into just something to say, where the fights turned from something that really bothered us to something to do just because, where the relationship turned from happily ever after too toxic, here the “Please come over I miss you” and the endless days at your house turned into “If you ever come around me again, I’ll punch you in the face, C***”. I can’t even remember when it turned for the worst because it seems to have happened over night.

More than just the little, personal things to me though. You hurt my relationship with my friends, my family, my mom, everything. I was so infatuated with you that I couldn’t open my eyes to the wrong that was you.

Please know that no matter how hard I tried to hide it from you, I was hurting so much and every part of me wanted to fix what we had.

However, I can never fix what you did to me, the pain you caused. Up until a week ago I didn’t even forgive you. After all, how is someone supposed to forgive someone without an apology?? It wasn’t until I was giving advice to one of my closest friends that I realized that it was time to let go of that anger I held for so long, with or without an apology.

From here on out I am deciding to be happy again. I am deciding to not allow your hurtfulness get to me any longer. I am deciding to move forward and move on with someone who makes me happy (with the help of some pretty awesome pals). I am regaining control for my life. And because I have made the conscious decision to rid you of my life, I know you will never see this, and that is perfectly okay. This wasn’t even really written for you.

This is for the girls who know what it’s like to be in the controlling relationship and don’t realize yet that you can be happy again. Because trust me, it may have taken me a year, but I AM happy again. And that is more than okay.

Just know that if you do read this, my one message to you is: you cannot control me any longer because I can make my own happiness, I don’t need you.