At the age of 21 I can honestly say I have no idea what I'm doing. Which is actually insanely scary. As a current student trying to figure out who you are as an individual as well as trying to plan out your whole life, it's insanely intimidating. Because truthfully I have no idea what the f*ck I'm doing. I wish I was being over dramatic (like I usually am).
You see. Although I have a plan, I don't know if I trust it. I have ideas for what I'm going to do and I'm going to do it. But the fear of being stuck doing something for the rest of your life, when you still don't truly know who YOU are, is asking a lot. Like I eat pizza everyday for nearly every meal, does that sound like an adult to you?
When we were young, when we thought of 20 year olds we looked to them as adults and saw that they had their lives together. Now, I see myself drinking a Bloody at 11am on a Thursday with none of my shit together. Honestly, does anyone nowadays know what they'ere doing? The truth is, no, and THAT'S OKAY. We as young adults are under the most pressure we have ever been under in history! We are told that we need to go to school for 6 years at a time in order to make a living for ourselves. We have to be happy constantly, and love ourselves all while we have no idea what we're doing. We are told that right after high school we have to go to college and make a choice to know exactly what we're doing for the rest of our lives.
In the past 3 years since I've started school, I've questioned what I'm doing nearly 7 times. Do I want to make a lot of money? Be happy? Do what I'm passionate about? Take an easy route? Because in today's society, you can't have it all. How is that any bit fair? We go to school for years just to work ourselves to death in jobs that half the time, we don't even enjoy. That's asking a lot of an 18 year old, or even a 25 year old. We're still so young, why do we have to figure out our whole lives while we're still trying to figure out who we are as human beings?
It's okay. It's alright to have no idea what you're doing right now. Hell, if you're 30 and still questioning everything, so be it! Don't live your life scared to LIVE. Try new things, go new places, meet new people, live a life that makes you proud. Don't try to live up to anyone else's standard of "perfect" or anyone else's standard of YOUR life.
It's okay to be a glow stick. It's okay to be broken. After that, you'll shine. Your life will fall together in time; be patient with yourself, you're doing the best you can. At the end of there day that's truly all you can be grateful for. So let's get drunk on a Thursday morning! Live your life however you want to! Screw what anyone else expects out of you. For at the end of the day, you're the one person you will always be with.
So until I have it all figured out, I'm going to continue eating Taco Bell, pretending I live in an apartment with a killer view in LA, mothering my pet fish, and loving myself like that girl Hailee preaches about.
