When the time came and I wasn’t able to keep the feelings and heartache in my mind anymore, I reached out for help. Asking for help is something that a lot of people are not comfortable with. It may be because it takes a stab at one’s ego, but also it is hard admitting that one has an issue and is unable to fix it themselves. It may also be because one’s fear of rejection when asking for help, which may happen in some cases. Asking for help and expertise from someone else takes a lot of courage. For me, asking for help was the last resort. I did not want to admit that I had something in my life that was bigger than me and something I could not fix on my own. I was nervous, scared and even timid to take the initial step forward. I did not know what to expect because I have never been in this position before. I knew that this was going to be an adventure that could either help me or hurt me
I always thought that anxiety was something that people did to themselves. I imagined it being the feeling when you procrastinate a twelve page literature review to the night before it's due. Well, let me tell you, I was extremely naive. In a nut shell, anxiety is the feeling of having no control over any situation. It feels like you are in the ocean swimming, then go to far out. Once you are out there you are trying your best to swim towards the shore. You exert all of your energy into pushing and kicking your feet to the mainland. Waves keep hitting and pushing you under and then crashing on top, but you still keep trying to get to somewhere safe. You're mentally, physically and emotionally drained to the point where you don't have the motivation to try and pick yourself back up to get to a safe place.This is what anxiety feels like; the complete and overwhelming exertion of energy on something that you can not control.
That's scary to a lot of people, not having control over their life and mind. Anxiety is much more than just having a bad day and worrying about something in your life. It's a constant struggle trying to maintain a 'normal' demeanor even when everything seems to be falling apart. The problem was a lot great than I was and I couldn't maintain my normal routine anymore. I decided to ask for help.
Was it scary? Yes. Was it intimidating? Absolutely. Was it hard to trust someone I didn't know? More than you could even imagine. I didn't want to go to someone who is going to give me pity and feel sorry for me, because I do that already. I wanted an objective view. I want someone to tell me if I was overthinking this idea or if I had a rational reason to feel this certain way.Overall, having this person tell me that I was going to OKAY is something much more reassuring that one would think. Just take a deep breathe and stop for a moment to realize that tomorrow is a new and promising day.
