Nearly six months ago, someone close to me committed suicide. It was sudden. And scary. And surreal. I remember thinking how could this be? Over. And. Over again. My heart broke every time, I had thought about not seeing him again. The truth is whether we mean to or not, we take people for granted until it's too late. Every time I had thought of him, an image of him laughing would pop into my mind. I couldn't wrap my head around, how something like this, could happen to someone like him...

His smile was contagious. He could light up a room, just by his presence. He was intelligent, and handsome, and had a kindness in him I could only hope to possess. The last time I had seen him was in December, just two months before his passing. We were singing Christmas carols at dinner. My grandma had given us each a tea cup with a line to " A Partridge in a Pear tree. " Being short of teacups, we had shared one, singing that line to the Christmas carol together. We had laughed the entire time, at how silly and embarrassing it was. He was always a good sport, laughing at your joke (even if it wasn't funny), or coming to holiday's, even if he didn't want to. Outside looking in, we were clueless to know the kind of pain, he had endured. We forget how easy it can be to fake a smile, or laugh, or even being okay.

While, I can say from the bottom of my heart, how much we love and miss you, John. I write this in hope to raise awareness to those, who leave this life all too soon.

Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the US. Each year, nearly 42,000 Americans take their lives. And while, this may just be a number to you, these people are Sons. Daughters. Mothers. Fathers. Cousins. Children. Why does this happen? What can I do to make these numbers go down? Is it ignorance? Do we simply know when something is wrong, but turn our cheek, because we don't know how to help? Or do we really not know..

I'm well aware of what goes on in the world, day to day. People are at war, starving, homeless, terrorism is at an all-time high. But the bottom line is if we keep continuing to compare and/or downplay suicide and mental illnesses. These individuals will not seek help, and get the attention or treatments, they need and deserve. Yes, we have walks, programs and what not to raise awareness. But holding this issue close my heart, I feel helpless in saying, there must be more I can do, more that "WE" can do.

I feel as a society, we place a certain stigma around those dealing with mental illness type issues. And the majority of those who've committed suicide, have gone undiagnosed. Possibly because of the way we view, the words "mental" and "disorder". Imagine if we used the words, "neurologically diverse", or "psychologically- in-need". What would people think then? Would it make a difference?
I find it's too broad of a label, and the severity of these disorders vary greatly.
When we label an individual with a mental illness, we often view that person in a negative way. But, the truth is they need treatment, help, and attention, just like someone with cancer, or heart disease.

The inability to speak up is taking lives.
I realize it's not easy, and potentially embarrassing to admit to a problem, but if I've learned anything, it's that your capable.

It's okay, to not be okay.

It's okay,to struggle.

It's okay,to cry.

It's okay, to be scared.

It's okay, to ask for help.

The truth is, almost everyone faces lows, highs and everything in between.
We judge, because we don't understand. But, speaking up about this issue, has made me realize how proactive we can be. I ask for you too, to take part in this fight against suicide. To help those " out of the darkness " To be the listening ear, the shoulder to cry on, the one to take action. And if you can't be, then I ask for you to get them further help. Therapy, Psychiatrist's, Clinics, are all measures to ensure an individual finds the assistance they need.

It's safe to say we lost John, all too soon.
But I pray that no voice will be unheard again.
" Suicide does not end the chances of life getting worse, Suicide eliminates the possibility of it getting better. "

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255