It's OK if you don't know what to say. Sometimes not saying anything can do more than speaking out. When dealing with the subject of loss, people get uncomfortable. People tend to get quiet and they try to avoid certain situations. Maybe they avoid people all together no matter which side your on. Whether it be dealing with a personal loss or attempting to console another on theirs. It's very hard to lose someone you held dear to you and it's also hard to watch someone you hold dear to lose someone that means something to them. This is just a reminder that it's OK not to know what to say.
For Those Who Just Lost Someone
It's OK to feel distant. That slow beating of your heart is normal. It's also normal to hear it in your ears and feel it in your head. You might feel as though you're almost watching this happen to you, instead of actually experiencing it. You are not alone. You might draw back from socialization for a while and that's OK, take your time. Just please try not to let it swallow you whole. People may come to give you condolences. Give you hugs, and tell you they're here for you. Accept them. Even from people you don't really talk to. It's always nice to know people are there. Just know that the five stages of grief aren't concrete. Don't be shocked if you go through only a few, or even just acceptance. All in all, it's okay not to know what to say and do. Sometimes there will be days you are happy. You are smiling and laughing with friends and it's OK. It great to feel happy. Some days, you might feel guilt. As if you're moving on too fast, and you have to remember them again. You have to morn the absence of their presence. Just know it's OK to be happy, but it's also normal to feel guilt. Lastly, it is normal to have days where you just cry and miss them. It could be just how you woke up, or it could be a trigger. For example, a song, or a food, or anything that remind you of them. These can happen within days or months, or even years within your loss. It's OK. You're not broken, just healing.
For Those Who Have Someone That Just Went Through A Loss
It's OK to feel flustered. You might be sitting there, staring at your phone, or at a wall unsure of how to react. You feel a slight sinking in your chest for your loved one on the other side of the conversation. It's OK. You might not be sure on what they want to hear, but the truth is, they aren't either. Sometimes all you can say is sorry. You know it can heal them. You know they've probably heard it 400 times in the past few days, or however long its been. It's OK. It's good to let them know you're there. It's OK if you try to take them out and they don't want to go. It's not you, they're just still tender. It's OK if they don't respond to your texts. They just might want to be alone. Just keep trying every few days to see if they'd like to go out. You might see them around less, and they might talk to you less, but just let them know you're still there. It doesn't have to be with words, body language goes a long way. It's OK not to know what t say for while. If they're still sad, or on a day where the sadness or guilt hits them, just be empathetic. Recovering from loss is a lifelong project. It will always hold a little piece of us sometimes and that normal. Your loved one isn't the first, not the last to deal with loss. And you are not the first, nor the last to be in the position you're in, and feel the way you do. If you have experienced loss, try and give tips that have helped you. If you have not, read sometimes and pass them along. You are doing just fine. It's OK. You're not perfect, but it's great that you are trying.
