I am an extremely forgiving person. It takes a lot (and I mean a lot) for me to cut ties with someone completely. However, I’ve begun to realize that sometimes I am forgiving to fault. When I formulate a relationship with someone, they are automatically important to me. I am fiercely loyal and will stick by someone’s side even when they might not ask for it. I think it’s because that’s the way I was raised: I grew up surrounded by a huge family that is extremely close and will do anything for one another. I saw my parents’ strong and long-lasting friendships. I’ve simply always thought that, for the people you care about, you’ll do anything.
However, I’m coming to realize that sometimes it is possible to be caring to a fault. When I get close to someone, I automatically assume that they were raised the same way I was: that you never turn your back on someone you care about. Unfortunately, this has led to a lot of heartbreak. I want so badly to see the good in people that I’m willing to look past the bad, even if the negatives strongly outweighs the positives.
Multiple times, I’ve experienced relationships in which people rely on me to be a good friend, but they run the second I might need someone. As soon as things aren’t fun anymore, they apparently think that the relationship might just not be worth the trouble. You would think that the second I get screwed over, I’d realize that person isn’t who I thought they were. No—I continue to stay, I continue to be loyal.
But I’m learning. I’m learning that sometimes it’s OK to walk away from someone who is only bringing negativity and toxicity into your life. I know what it’s like to feel betrayed, and that feeling makes me never want to betray someone else. It’s important to know the difference between betraying someone and walking away once that person has shown their true colors.
There are few things I’ve experienced that are more painful than someone you love deciding they simply don’t care about you. No matter how close you get, how much love you have in your heart for that person and how much you thought they had for you, sometimes it’s just not the case.
It seems almost contradictory—leaving behind someone you once loved so fiercely. This is probably because the idea of completely deserting someone I care about seems so impossible to me. But it’s vital to realize that not everyone thinks the way I do. It’s vital to put my own heart and well-being first.
I continue to love. I continue to open my heart, and try to see the best in everyone I meet. The hard part is learning to love myself, too and knowing when to leave a toxic relationship behind.
