“Tell people how you feel before you miss your chance.”
“Tell her how you feel, what’s the worst that could happen?”
We are constantly told to spill our whole insides to people simply to get it off our chest. We are told that you don’t want to miss the chance to tell someone how you feel. But what about those times when telling someone how you feel could do more harm than good?
When you have cried a million times over someone, how many more tears are worth shedding just to tell them, “I love you?” Sometimes you have to make a judgment call about whether or not you should share all of your feelings. You know when the other person won’t reciprocate your feelings, so maybe saving yourself a little pain is worth missing out on telling them how you really feel.
You are the only person who is in charge of your feelings. You are the person that can turn your day around in an instant. You know whether or not you can handle the pain of unreciprocated love or an unreturned “I miss you.” Sometimes not saying something is better than saying it.
I know this goes against every cliché essay about love you have ever read, but hear me out. I’m not saying never tell someone how you feel about them, but I am saying to protect yourself (whatever that may mean to you). Sometimes if you don’t share your feelings, you feel like you are going to explode, so share them. But sometimes not sharing your feelings will protect you and help you move on.
We have all been through the pain of telling someone how we feel and them staring in silence at the floor or taking hours to respond. It’s not pretty. A lot of egos are torn apart and you are left embarrassed, upset and wounded. You vow to never tell another person that you love them (but do we really keep that promise?) and your heart hardens a little.
So if you don’t share your feelings, then no one gains and no one loses, right?
On the other side of the argument is Team Feelings. These are the people who always want to share, share and share some more. They tell you to tell him you love him before it’s too late and give everyone lots of hugs. I don’t look down on these people. In fact, I wish I were more open like these people. Yes, sometimes you should tell that special someone how you feel. You should tell them how in love with them you are and how you could get lost in their eyes. If it will make you feel better and get a load off your shoulders, then by all means share away.
But if spilling your guts will cause more tears and less smiles, save yourself the pain and just tell it to your best friends. They will tell you it is okay to love him, but they will also hold you when unexpected feelings resurface months down the road and you feel lost again. Your friends will tell it to you straight, but they will also help you heal. They will listen to you pour your heart out until daybreak and then tell you they love you.
Sometimes feelings are messy and we have to learn how and when to express those feelings. But just know that you don’t always have to share everything if it will cause more pain than happiness. And who knows, maybe in a few months (or years) you’ll have moved on enough to tell that person how you felt and not be wounded anymore.
Take care of yourselves, lovelies.
