I shouldn’t care. I really shouldn’t, and I know that because I have thought about every single reason as to why I shouldn’t care, yet I do. It hurts more than anything I have ever understood, still I know I shouldn’t care. So, then someone please explain to me why I do.

I sit there, and you look to me as someone differently than I see myself in your life. You tell me I’m special and that to me means I still mean something, but you can’t tell me what I am to you anymore. You can’t tell me why I am special. I ask, and it looks like I annoy you; it looks like I don’t have the same sentiment from you. I know I should have seen this coming, but yet I still nodded my head and kissed you goodbye. I just wonder if you will be as happy to see me as I am to see you. I wonder if you actually miss me. I wonder if you see me at all. I know you see me, but I wonder if I look to the same to you. You don’t tell me you see a future with me anymore or that you want to do all these things with me anymore. It looks like I’m pulling hair when I ask you to do something. I wonder if you lie to me as not to hurt my feelings. I think in your mind that even though you are a nice person you are bored with me and you don’t know how to tell me.

I am 110% not a girl that sits around waiting for a boy to fawn over. Yet here I am. Sitting, knowing that I shouldn’t give a damn. And trust me I have tried, but my world has turned upside down. You left for a week and with no contact I tried I completely tried not to care, but the nights I tried I couldn’t help but care more. You have given me very little and most recently it seems like you don’t see that I hurt like a normal person. I can hold things back, smile, and look at you, but how am I supposed to be that person when it seems like I’m not valid in your life in any way, shape, or form?

This is not fully my fault or your fault. We have both had a part, and I have always seen it that way. I would never say that it was more one person's fault than the other's, but I for the love of god hope that you see it that way too. I want respect. I can never express how or why I feel like I do, but I do. I may not be great at expressing them, but I do have them. So, I would ask that if you have reservations, seconds thoughts, or whatever else, just tell me. I am your friend first and foremost.

Call me immature. Call me crazy. Call me whatever you want but I take saying "I love you" very seriously because not a lot of people get to hear it from me, and you have. I’m sitting here waiting, and I agree that I am choosing to do this. I will wait, and I will try to understand what goes on in your life because I don’t always know what it is to have your life. I do take that into consideration for you; I wish I could feel as if you could give me the same consideration. I know life can be stressful, but it seems like when I’m talking that I’m never as stressed as you are, or things aren’t as difficult for me. I don’t ever want to compare lives. Everything in life is hard but I just look for compassion. I look for you not to look at me with the "I’m bored" expression on your face. If I am wrong, please tell me because I want nothing more than to be wrong. This is what it feels like to me. It is definitely disheartening to say all these things and only hear "I’m sorry," and that’s the last of it. It is what it is, and I will get over it and you. I will go on with my day, but what else am I supposed to do? This is hard, and you don’t seem to give me much. I love you. I miss you. I just had to say something.

We have all had moments like this whether it is an old relationship, a family member, or estranged friend. We attempt to hold on to what was for as long as we possibly can. When we hold on for too long, we are told we should stop caring. We understand that these people may not fit into our lives, but there is no one way to really let go of what happened or who they were. I’m here to tell you that it's okay that you feel this way. Much like mourning, there is no one way or time frame in which you are supposed to get over something this significant. Caring is what makes us human. For those of us who leave our hearts on our sleeves, it's harder. Just know that no matter who you are, life does get easier and it's okay to care even when others tell you it’s not.