It's OK To Be A Failure

It's OK To Be A Failure

Why focus on all the things we can't do when we should be focusing on all the things we can do?

Like a lot of people, I go through life trying to avoid failure like it's some sort of plague. Just the word "failure" conjures up all sorts of frightening images: a big, red F on an exam, blundering through a job interview, your Fitbit letting informing you that you didn't meet your step goal for the day, a supervisor informing you of a major mistake you made at work, and so on.

For me, giving up on something automatically equals failure. It's just the way I'm programmed - and when I think about it, maybe it's the way that society has programmed most of us. When I think of giving up, I think of not being good enough to continue doing something. I think of not having the strength or the ambition to excel in whatever situation or position is at hand. Giving up is seen as bad. Something we shouldn't do. And if we do indeed give up at something, we are supposed to feel shame and guilt and experience a loss of confidence in ourselves.

But honestly? As hard as it is for me to realize this for myself, giving up is not always the worst thing in the world - sometimes it's exactly the thing that you needed to do. Recently I've come into a situation where I know haven't been excelling in the position I've been holding, and despite all the hard work, time, and effort I invested in order to meet the rather high expectations and standards put on me, I just could not for the life of me get all my hard work to shine. Instead, it appeared as if I wasn't even trying. I found myself feeling so stressed out over something that used to give me a sense of satisfaction. The pressure I felt on myself to perform in a way that, despite my best intentions, felt completely unattainable to me was staggering. It's a cruel thing when a positive aspect in your life turns into a viciously negative thing.

Over time, I started to realize that this was becoming a toxic thing in my life. I was starting to feel completely resentful and felt like I was just going through the motions. All the stress had completely zapped away any passion I had felt for my position originally. I began to question my leadership skills and just my entire work ethic and personality in general. I watched as my colleagues were thriving while I felt like I was drowning. As soon as I made any progress, the metaphorical finish line seemed to move even further away. I felt like I was failing at being an effective leader, and couldn't help but analyze all of my perceived shortcomings. Basically, all of this burns down to one scathing question: why am I such a failure?

But then I realized: we are all failures. You're welcome, I just labeled every human being ever a failure. But really think about it. Nobody is perfect, and we all have our own strengths and weaknesses. We can't all be great at cooking. We can't all be doctors. We can't all pen bestselling novels. We can't all be marathon runners. We can't all run large corporations. We can't all pass our driving test the first time. But why focus on all the things we can't do when we should be focusing on all the things we can do?

Even though there are things about my position that I do enjoy - things that also play towards my strengths - I have to realize that I'm not the best person for the job. That, for whatever reason, my personality is not fully equipped to find immense success in certain professional settings. And that's okay. It's okay to give up because sometimes that's the best thing you can do for yourself. If you find yourself in a toxic, stressful situation that doesn't seem to be changing no matter how long you're determined to stick it out, do yourself a favor and change courses as soon as possible. If it makes you feel better, don't think of it as giving up; think of it as letting go.

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To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.


When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

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Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

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To The Big-Hearted Girls Who Just Can't Hit The Block Button

Your compassion for others knows no bounds, and that's why you can't seem to let them go.


Not everyone is worthy of your good heart.

It might be hard to accept that, but it's true. The ones that don't deserve your attention and your care always out themselves. Maybe they take advantage of your kindness, maybe they use you for your love, or maybe they hurt you because they envy some aspect of you or your life. Whatever the case may be, I know you feel the pain from it. I know you are not naive enough to believe that they don't mean the hurtful things they say or that the awful things they put you through are only mere accidents.

Your problem is that you have too big of a heart. You love giving second chances and when they screw that chance up as well, you just can't help yourself from giving them a third, a fourth, or a fifth. Far too easily you are swept up in this cycle of forgiving and forgetting, only to have it blow up in your face time and time again.

You know better.

How many times have you sworn you wouldn't help them again, that it was the last time you'd speak to them, only to snatch up your phone the second you see their name pop up across the screen? How often have you cried over someone who only wanted to be a part of your life when they needed something from you?

Stop giving your all to people that don't care.

Trust me, I know it's easier said than done. It's a difficult habit to break, but once you do you are completely and utterly free from the toxicity. If you're looking for a sign to block that boy who has done nothing but break your heart, or if you were waiting for your cue to finally end that friendship that does nothing but make you feel small, here it is.

Unfortunately, not everyone is going to treat you with the love and respect that you so freely give. Most of the time the people that treat you like crap are just crappy people. It's not your responsibility to save every troubled soul, and you've probably learned by now that not all of them want to be saved.

There's nothing wrong with looking for the good in people, but when they start to drain you of your light you need to have the strength to let them go.

To the girls gifted with hearts too sensitive and ready to burst with compassion, it's OK to cut ties with those who hurt you time and time again. It doesn't mean you've stooped to their level; it doesn't mean you're a bad person. You tried your hardest, but toxic people rarely change their ways. You don't deserve that kind of pain.

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