College is a really big change in a person's life. We go in with these hopes and dreams of working for our dream careers. We dream of meeting amazing new people and forming forever bonds. We always forget to consider the problems that may arise as we meet new people. As the dynamics of relationships change, one's insecurities about them arise as well.

I am in the last half of my first year at college. The first semester did have ups and downs in the social realm but for the most part, I felt included and wanted in my friend circle. But as more of my friends spread out and formed other groups of friends I was left out. That's when my insecurities began to arise.

I have social anxiety. My ears buzz and my heart beats really fast around new people or around people who I see as better than me. So I have an extremely hard time making new friends or even just approaching people. I feel like I lack the charisma and personality to make people want to talk to me first. This drawback of mine makes me feel like a burden, like an annoyance.

Whenever I'm around my friends, I feel like they don't want me to be there, like they are only there because the already signed up to be my friend. Its become a job. No one reaches out to me first unless everyone else is busy. It so painful to hear about them doing activities together or just hanging out without you. They seem to be doing just fine without me, whereas I sit in my room and feel lonely and unloved.

I usually come to the conclusion that it is my fault. I talk a lot about how anxious or depressed I'm feeling and talk about upcoming tests and assignments to make conversation. And they seem really annoyed that I bring up such things when they are just trying to chill. I have become dependent on them but they are absolutely fine without me. I'm not needed and it really, really hurts like a bitch. Our conversations have just become them asking me for a favor and me asking them for one. I know I felt insecure and annoying in high school but that was nothing compared to the level to which I feel that way today. It makes me mad that college wasn't this amazing place where I find a group of people just like me who love me and want me around like it has for those around me.

I know this article seems like a rant but I feel like I needed to share this. I know I'm not the only one going through what I am going through and feeling how I am feeling. And to those people, I just want to say that I don't know how long it's going to take for things to get better, but I know they have to. This cannot be the only thing in store for us. We will feel better, we will meet new people, and we will get over our insecurities.