It's Never Too Late To Speak Up

It's Never Too Late To Speak Up

Encourage bravery—don't shame it.
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As our society evolves from a historical past of silencing voices, it seems as if people have finally acquired the bravery to speak up now more than ever.

With exposure at our fingertips through social media and the internet, it also seems as if it’s more difficult than ever to put yourself out there. I mean how can you when the whole world is always watching?

This especially applies to cases of sexual assault. Who wants to expose themselves and tell the world about a traumatizing experience that’s been silenced for so long? Something that will be judged, speculated and may even turn people against them. Who wants to be known as the girl that got sexually assaulted—or better yet—the girl that got raped? Nobody wants to view their life that way.

And since that topic is so prevalent now. Let’s take a close look at the recent domino effect of famous men getting taken down one-by-one.

Ever since allegations of producer Harvey Weinstein surfaced just last month, we’ve seen a sickening amount of big names come under fire as multiple women finally spoke up about their past experiences.

Louis C.K. was accused of sexual misconduct by five women, Steven Seagal accused of sexually harassing actress Portia de Rossi and others, Kevin Spacey accused of sexually assaulting an underage boy, former Gossip Girl star Ed Westwick accused of raping a girl three years ago—and that’s just a few of them. Unfortunately, there’s a long list of more.

Something all of these cases have in common is that it wasn't their only act of sexual misconduct. More people exposed similar situations by each man once the first claim circulated. Coincidence? Probably not.

Someone asked, “Why are so many women just now telling people about this when it happened so long ago?”

Clearly people with these types of questions don’t understand how trauma affects people. So, let’s put it into perspective.

According to a study conducted by the National Center for Biotechnology Information at the National Institutes of Heath, “The study revealed that only 18% of the adult women's rapes and only 11% of the assaults of children were reported.”

It’s a bit clearer why children would internalize a traumatic sexual experience—they’re scared, confused, too young to understand—whereas an adult is more aware—but is that supposed to make it any easier? With a head of fully-developed emotions and understanding of the world, even as adults, we still feel like children when faced with trauma.

So of course, a victim’s first instinct is to be scared. They retreat to isolation because it’s all they know how to do in a moment of fear and disillusion.

Scientifically, sexual trauma has a particular kind of effect on the brain.

The Cognitive Neuroscience Society published a study about the complex neuroscience of sexual trauma and how drastically it affects the victim.

“The rate of false report in sexual violence is actually low, estimated by most studies to be around 7% (to compare, this is considerably lower than the rate of insurance fraud)."

The study further reported how even a simple altercation or uncomfortable moment can trigger a wave of distress. It not only disrupts emotional well-being, it creates a “cascade of hormonal changes, which includes oxytocin and opiates, associated with pain management, adrenaline, commonly associated with “fight or flight,” and cortisol."

"Functional connectivity between different areas of the brain is affected.”

So, as we all know the old adage, “time heals all wounds,” that just may be what helps these victims finally come to peace with their fears. Another is when someone else with the same experience speaks up first—finally the victim can fill the void of loneliness they’ve felt their entire repression. Finally, someone else who gets it.

As humans, we should be encouraging this type of unity and bravery for a victim. Help each other stand up for justice. Why as humans do we blame the victim? Why do we defend a man just because he’s our favorite actor or we thought he was a good person?

Especially women—shouldn’t we encourage them to speak up when their voices have been silenced for so long?


It's never too late to speak up. The National Sexual Assault Hotline is free, confidential and 24/7: 800-656-HOPE

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Your Wait time At Theme Parks Is Not Unfair, You're Just Impatient

Your perceived wait time is always going to be longer than your actual wait time if you can't take a minute to focus on something other than yourself.

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Toy Story Land at Disney's Hollywood Studios "unboxed" on June 30, 2018. My friend and I decided to brave the crowds on opening day. We got to the park around 7 AM only to find out that the park opened around 6 AM. Upon some more scrolling through multiple Disney Annual Passholder Facebook groups, we discovered that people were waiting outside the park as early as 1 AM.

We knew we'd be waiting in line for the bulk of the Toy Story Land unboxing day. There were four main lines in the new land: the line to enter the land; the line for Slinky Dog Dash, the new roller coaster; the line for Alien Spinning Saucers, the easier of the new rides in the land; Toy Story Mania, the (now old news) arcade-type ride; and the new quick-service restaurant, Woody's Lunchbox (complete with grilled cheese and "grown-up drinks").

Because we were so early, we did not have to wait in line to get into the land. We decided to ride Alien Spinning Saucers first. The posted wait time was 150 minutes, but my friend timed the line and we only waited for 50 minutes. Next, we tried to find the line for Slinky Dog Dash. After receiving conflicting answers, the runaround, and even an, "I don't know, good luck," from multiple Cast Members, we exited the land to find the beginning of the Slinky line. We were then told that there was only one line to enter the park that eventually broke off into the Slinky line. We were not about to wait to get back into the area we just left, so we got a Fastpass for Toy Story Mania that we didn't plan on using in order to be let into the land sooner. We still had to wait for our time, so we decided to get the exclusive Little Green Man alien popcorn bin—this took an entire hour. We then used our Fastpass to enter the land, found the Slinky line, and proceeded to wait for two and a half hours only for the ride to shut down due to rain. But we've come this far and rain was not about to stop us. We waited an hour, still in line and under a covered area, for the rain to stop. Then, we waited another hour and a half to get on the ride from there once it reopened (mainly because they prioritized people who missed their Fastpass time due to the rain). After that, we used the mobile order feature on the My Disney Experience app to skip part of the line at Woody's Lunchbox.

Did you know that there is actually a psychological science to waiting? In the hospitality industry, this science is the difference between "perceived wait" and "actual wait." A perceived wait is how long you feel like you are waiting, while the actual wait is, of course, the real and factual time you wait. There are eight things that affect the perceived wait time: unoccupied time feels longer than occupied time, pre-process waits feel longer than in-process waits, anxiety makes waits feel longer, uncertain waits are longer than certain waits, unexplained waits are longer than explained waits, unfair waits are longer than equitable waits, people will wait longer for more valuable service and solo waiting feels longer than group waiting.

Our perceived wait time for Alien Spinning Saucers was short because we expected it to be longer. Our wait for the popcorn seemed longer because it was unoccupied and unexplained. Our wait for the rain to stop so the ride could reopen seemed shorter because it was explained. Our wait between the ride reopening and getting on the coaster seemed longer because it felt unfair for Disney to let so many Fastpass holders through while more people waited through the rain. Our entire wait for Slinky Dog Dash seemed longer because we were not told the wait time in the beginning. Our wait for our food after placing a mobile order seemed shorter because it was an in-process wait. We also didn't mind wait long wait times for any of these experiences because they were new and we placed more value on them than other rides or restaurants at Disney. The people who arrived at 1 AM just added five hours to their perceived wait

Some non-theme park examples of this science of waiting in the hospitality industry would be waiting at a restaurant, movie theater, hotel, performance or even grocery store. When I went to see "Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom," the power went out in the theater right as we arrived. Not only did we have to wait for it to come back and for them to reset the projectors, I had to wait in a bit of anxiety because the power outage spooked me. It was only a 30-minute wait but felt so much longer. At the quick-service restaurant where I work, we track the time from when the guest places their order to the time they receive their food. Guests in the drive-thru will complain about 10 or more minute waits, when our screens tell us they have only been waiting four or five minutes. Their actual wait was the four or five minutes that we track because this is when they first request our service, but their perceived wait begins the moment they pull into the parking lot and join the line because this is when they begin interacting with our business. While in line, they are experiencing pre-process wait times; after placing the order, they experience in-process wait times.

Establishments in the hospitality industry do what they can to cut down on guests' wait times. For example, theme parks offer services like Disney's Fastpass or Universal's Express pass in order to cut down the time waiting in lines so guests have more time to buy food and merchandise. Stores like Target or Wal-Mart offer self-checkout to give guests that in-process wait time. Movie theaters allow you to check in and get tickets on a mobile app and some quick-service restaurants let you place mobile or online orders. So why do people still get so bent out of shape about being forced to wait?

On Toy Story Land unboxing day, I witnessed a woman make a small scene about being forced to wait to exit the new land. Cast Members were regulating the flow of traffic in and out of the land due to the large crowd and the line that was in place to enter the land. Those exiting the land needed to wait while those entering moved forward from the line. Looking from the outside of the situation as I was, this all makes sense. However, the woman I saw may have felt that her wait was unfair or unexplained. She switched between her hands on her hips and her arms crossed, communicated with her body language that she was not happy. Her face was in a nasty scowl at those entering the land and the Cast Members in the area. She kept shaking her head at those in her group and when allowed to proceed out of the land, I could tell she was making snide comments about the wait.

At work, we sometimes run a double drive-thru in which team members with iPads will take orders outside and a sequencer will direct cars so that they stay in the correct order moving toward the window. In my experience as the sequencer, I will inform the drivers which car to follow, they will acknowledge me and then still proceed to dart in front of other cars just so they make it to the window maybe a whole minute sooner. Not only is this rude, but it puts this car and the cars around them at risk of receiving the wrong food because they are now out of order. We catch these instances more often than not, but it still adds stress and makes the other guests upset. Perhaps these guests feel like their wait is also unfair or unexplained, but if they look at the situation from the outside or from the restaurant's perspective, they would understand why they need to follow the blue Toyota.

The truth of the matter is that your perceived wait time is always going to be longer than your actual wait time if you can't take a minute to focus on something other than yourself. We all want instant gratification, I get it. But in reality, we have to wait for some things. It takes time to prepare a meal. It takes time to experience a ride at a theme park that everyone else wants to go on. It takes time to ring up groceries. It takes patience to live in this world.

So next time you find yourself waiting, take a minute to remember the difference between perceived and actual wait times. Think about the eight aspects of waiting that affect your perceived wait. Do what you can to realize why you are waiting or keep yourself occupied in this wait. Don't be impatient. That's no way to live your life.

Cover Image Credit:

Aranxa Esteve

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Chip And Joanna Gaines Are Real-Life Goals In Every Way Possible

I mean, who doesn't love them?

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Alright, y'all, I have a relationship crush on Chip and Joanna Gaines.

Their marriage is perfect. Their kids are beautiful. There careers and success are unmatched. And to top it all off, they're just good people. Watching reruns of their hit HGTV show, Fixer Upper, has truly been one of the highlights of my summer.

I had always heard of this dynamic duo but didn't start watching their show until recently. First of all, I love their modern-meets-rustic style, along with their ability to make any run-down house into a family's dream home.

I love how humble and comical their show is, along with how they live their lives. Drinking a cup of coffee and watching them create homes has been a much needed and relaxing start to my mornings.

They recently had their fifth child, and it's so much fun to watch them show him off to the world. They are such amazing and proud parents.

Long story short, the Gaines' are such humble and positive role models for all young couples, and old, and should be proud of what they're doing for families across Texas.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to head to Target and browse their home collection.

Cover Image Credit:

Joanna Gaines

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