My entire life, I have done nothing but aim to please others. I did everything that was ever asked of me and felt horrible if I ever felt like I disappointed anyone. But here I am twenty-three years old suffering from crippling anxiety and a fear of disappointing people learning to break free. This is my life, not yours, I will live it as I please and will never let anyone tell me how to live it again!
My parents always had high expectations from me growing up. In their minds, it was them trying to push me to be the best I could be. But in reality, it was me learning to live in fear of disappointing them. I did everything by the book. I never broke any rules, got into any trouble; basically, I never did anything. Then high school came around, and I was able to see how others were living differently from me. They weren't afraid like I was, and I envied them, I wanted to be them, and so I tried.
I met a boy who I thought loved me and thought I was going to be spending my life with, but he was just another controlling figure in my life. I was afraid to disappoint. I stuck with this boy for six whole years. I did everything he wanted I conformed to how he wanted me to be, and honestly, I wasted that six years. I became a person I didn't like, and it was due to his manipulation and abuse that I settled for and put up with because he loved me or so I thought.
Six years of my life, I gave him I changed everything for him. I let him abuse me, tell me how to dress, tell me what to do, tell me who to be for who? Definitely not me, that's for sure. And what did I do it for? I thought it was love. I thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with me because that's what I was manipulated into thinking, but it was not the case.
After six years, he broke up with me. But on his final farewell, he made sure to leave me with one final abusive goodbye. You said I was broken. You told me I wasn't good enough. You beat me down made me feel like none of my friends would ever be my friends again. It made me feel like no one would ever love me all for what? To make yourself feel better because, in your final goodbye, you forgot to mention you were cheating on me.
I let you take everything from me in that final goodbye. You said I was broken so I became broken. For weeks I didn't eat, I didn't get out of bed. I wouldn't even talk to anyone because of how you made me feel, and I let you. You had broken up with me, and I was still giving you manipulate how I lived my life.
I am here to say no more. I am taking back control of my life for one reason and one reason only. Its MY life, not yours, not my parents, not anyone's but my own. You and your new girlfriend can try to tear me down as often as you want but guess what, I don't care. I love who I am, I love my life, and I am not broken. I am me.
As I sit here writing this article, I'm thinking to myself, what is the purpose? This is your story why are you trying to share it no one cares. But then I remember I'm not alone. I'm not the only one who was in a manipulative, abusive relationship. I'm not the only one who let someone say they were broken and then felt broken. And if my poorly written story can help even just one person, then, in my opinion, it's perfect. No one is alone in this world, no one is broken, and everyone deserves to live their life the way they want. So, I leave you with the challenge to think, who are you?
