“What does she have that I don’t?”
No, seriously, though: what does she have that I don’t? Am I not pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough? Why her and not me? Why did he choose her and not me?
Simple. She’s not me, and she’s not you.
She doesn’t have your sparkling smile that can light up a whole room. The vibrancy you bring to a room misses her. It’s in your contiguous laughter that is a loud melody. It’s the raise of your eyebrow when you question and simply when you choose to answer your own question. It is in the way you graciously treat others around you, the way you pour your heart into helping others, and the kindness exuded around you.
She is not you. She is someone who may be charming and alluring in all the right ways. She probably strings together the right sentences to get him to throw his head back in laughter, the kind of laughter that never quite resonated with yours. He’s going to smile at her in a picture you scroll past, and you will go back to it. You’ll study her features, her outfit, and ask yourself, why her? You don’t have to answer your own question.
Sometimes there isn’t a reason why it’s her and not you. Feelings can’t be controlled, and people can be reckless with them. People can try to explain why, but sometimes there isn’t a why, and just a simple because. Let’s be honest, though, because isn’t really an answer. Salvaging that has to be enough.
I have learned that disparaging the other girl won’t make me prettier, and it definitely won’t make me sweeter. I have learned that feelings are something that are beyond me to understand, but however and whatever I feel is valid. I learned some people just aren’t meant for each other, no matter how many times you want to come back to each other. I learned not to force anyone or anything to be in my life, if it is truly for me, it will come on it’s time, he will come on his own time. I learned not to waste time on things and people that have done me nothing but wrong. There is no reason to keep staring at the past; it will create resentment that was never there in the first place.
He might choose her over you, but that’s no reason to stop being you. If he didn’t put his life on hold and question what he missed out on, then why should you? For starters, put yourself first. Understand that above all things, making yourself happy and getting out of this questioning zone is a priority. So what if he chose her. It’s not the end; it’s actually a new beginning. Don’t let him narrow your horizons instead broaden your mindset. It’s not about him, or her, it’s about you and how you choose to deal with it. Chin up, and keep smiling, someone will be mesmerized by it eventually.
