If you have ever experienced a loss, it sucks. By loss, I mean losing someone that is a dominant figure in your life. I’m 19-years-old and have truly experienced my first loss a couple of weeks ago: my grandfather. I call him my Pop-Pop. This was my first “big” loss in my life and it has affected me in different ways. When someone passes away, it’s hard to cope with the idea that the person is not in your life anymore. As a college student living far from home, it was hard for me to not be there with my family after his death. It was hard for me to focus on school when all I wanted to do was be with my family, and it still takes a toll. You are at a constant battle deciding whether they are in a “happier place” or not, and trying to give death the benefit of the doubt. If you believe in the afterlife, you question God as to why He needed them so bad and why He took them from you. Did God need my Pop-Pop in heaven more than we needed him? I guess so. God has his plans for him and that’s what gave me closure.
I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. Maybe he could have been taken in a worse way? It was just “his time” I guess. Death takes tolls on everyone. You constantly are trying to fill the void. Sometimes I think I should call my Pop-Pop then realize I can’t. Some days are good and some days are bad. But that’s how life works. Have you ever heard the saying “the only things you can be sure of are death and taxes?” Well, it’s true. Death is a part of life that is hard for humans to understand. You cannot think about the individual’s death, but more so you need to celebrate their life and treasure all of the memories you have with them. There was a reason they were in your life. They have impacted your life in ways that you may not understand yet, but God puts people in your life for a reason.
I considered my Pop-Pop one of my best friends. I was his first grandchild and first granddaughter. For one thing, he taught me to love Frank Sinatra and playing cards. More importantly, he was all about family and loved ones. All he cared about was his family. He was carefree and did not care what people thought of him and he used the excuse “because I am a senior citizen.” When we would eat french fries, he always would try to find and eat the biggest one. The moments we have shared with him, whether funny, good, or bad, are the moments I will remember for the rest of my life.
It is hard to go through big chapters or milestones of your life without a key figure there. He always wanted to be alive when I got married, but don’t worry, Pop-Pop, there will be a reserved seat for you. He told me I was his “North Star” because I was always so important and bright to his life. Now, he is my North Star and every time I look up in the sky, I know he is watching me, probably smoking Paul Mall’s and drinking a martini.
I never knew how hard it would be to lose a loved one until now. I know it won’t get easier, but I’ll learn how to live without him. I applaud people who stay positive during hard times like this and try to take after them. Death brings families closer and God needed him for than we did. I am so grateful to have him because he will forever impact my perspective I have on several aspects of life. He lived an amazing life and now he is my Guardian Angel and North Star forever. I love you forever.
