A few days ago I had a startling epiphany that would lead me to over-analyze entirely too many interpersonal situations. Let me set the scene for you:
I was lying in my bed, shuffling through songs on Spotify when a song by The Hunna came on. The song is called, "She's Casual," and if you haven't listened to it and you're into indie rock, well, you probably should give a try. But I digress. The point of this article isn't to dictate songs for your playlists, rather it is to address something that's been weighing on my mind lately.
The chorus of the song starts: "She's casual and she likes it. Mine and she knows it." First of all, what does that mean? What qualifies her as "casual"? Second of all, how does she know she's yours? Have you asked her? Was there some type of discussion? Is this entire relationship inference based and both of you just assume it is what it is at this point?
Okay, I'm not a psycho, and I do realize that's a lot of information, and he couldn't possibly put that into the song. It would be too long and I'm sure the message would be very different at the end of it. All in all, it would just get weird. I also realize that it's just a line in a song. The words are catchy and his voice is pleasant singing it. I find myself belting it in the shower and when I'm getting dressed in the morning so no qualms there. There's absolutely nothing wrong with how he describes her or the song as a whole, but because this is the way my mind works, I believe it poses as a piece of social commentary on how we interact with one another. When I listen to this song, it just makes me realize that "casual" isn't something I'm too terribly interested in anymore.
Everything for our generation is casual. Casual attire. Casual hangouts. Casual sex. Casual hook-ups. It's "Casual Friday" all day, every day. Casual people in casual relationships, casually not discussing and feeling as if they can't want something meaningful from one another. Since everyone is doing it, it's almost strange when you aren't. We stopped talking to one another and we stopped expecting things because, unless otherwise stated, the interactions we have aren't going anywhere. Heaven forbid you actually want something more than just a one night stand. We don't have an end-goal and if we do, chances are these single-serving friends (please tell me you caught the Fight Club reference) aren't in the picture. So, what's the point? What's the point of attempting to get to know someone intimately only to turn around and do it all over again the weekend after with someone new?
As a female I feel this conscious need to be "the casual, cool, fun girl" who isn't concerned about anything serious because that messes things up. The girl who thinks too much complicates everything and who wants to flirt with complication? I stopped expecting people to call and stopped getting hurt when texts sat unreturned for weeks and months until eventually so much time had passed that someone's name was no longer in my text log. At some point, I stopped expecting people to be decent. And as a result, I stopped caring about my interactions and about putting time or effort into someone. I was finally the casual girl who wasn't going to trap you with all of her bullshit. But then I realized the quality of the people around me was diminishing with every second I sat there trying to be someone who was more agreeable for everyone else.
I'm not saying that the culture we sustain is detrimental. In fact, there are many people that thrive this way. This isn't a cautionary tale about how casual relationships are bad and you should feel bad. This is simply me, expressing what's in my head about the way "casual" isn't as casual as we make it out to be. There were conversations that probably should have happened and didn't because it was easier to not. Speaking from personal experience and second-hand interactions, we spend more time trying to maintain our calm, cool, collected exteriors than we do on anything else. We dedicate most of our emerging adulthood to ensuring we don't care too much about things and people; that we care too little. We develop our personas and tend to ever-changing relationships that walk in and out of our lives. We're a generation lacking permanency and it's casual.
