The Introvert vs. Extrovert clash is one that social media has helped play out in epic proportions. A simple question can be used to divide a group of people: After a long week of work, what is going to help you recharge on a Friday night: going out with your friends or spending the night alone? If you picked the first choice, you're probably an extrovert. If you picked the second, you're probably an introvert.
A common misconception is that all introverts are weird and that extroverts are cool and in some ways superior to their less socially-driven peers. Most introverts will tell you that they would much rather have an in-depth conversation with one person than casual conversations with five people. Is there a problem with that?
Ideally we would like to say that there isn't, but our society has given the game of life different rules when it comes to social worth and has clearly separated the winners from the losers. The winner is the person with the maximum friend count on Facebook. The winner has far more followers than people they are following on Instagram. The winner gets countless likes, double-taps, and re-tweets that are recorded for the world to see. In short, social media drives our society and keeps a tally of every person's "social score" that is easy to see.
One thing that must be pointed out at this point is that both introverts and extroverts come in two types: moderate and extreme. Moderate introverts and extroverts exist in harmony and extreme introverts and extroverts are too dissimilar to give each other the time of day. The moderate extrovert sees social interaction as an important part of life and will coax the extreme introvert out of their apartment for some "people time" whereas the extreme extrovert will judge or diss the moderate introvert for their lower "social score."
For the extreme extrovert, being a social person isn't just a part of who they are, it IS who they are. (Likewise, for extreme introverts, being a person with an exceptionally small friend group isn't part of them- it defines them.) The moderate introvert is made to feel as though they are strange for not having as many friends as the extreme extrovert. The extreme extrovert has no reservations about letting the moderate introvert that they are "socially superior.
"Look, she posted this picture three days ago and she only got twelve likes," I heard a girl from school saying about a girl she claimed to be best friends with. "I just posted this one last night and I've already got 145," she continued. "We told her that she's such a loser, haha," one of their other friends chimed in and, to my shock and horror, other people laughed with them! For the extreme extrovert, it doesn't stop with asking oneself, "How popular am I?" It continues to, "How popular am I compared to So-and-so?"
When faced with a friend request from a person they don't know, introverts and extroverts respond differently. Oftentimes, introverts automatically delete and extroverts automatically accept. If they linger over the request, an extrovert will likely ask, "Who are our friends in common?" An introvert will ask themselves, "What do we have in common?" A high friend count is a testament to the many people an extrovert meets as they go through life. A low friend count is a testament to the fact that introverts view social media as a way to keep in touch with the people who are closest to them (no matter how small or large that number may be). Because of the way that social media drives our society, the cards are stacked in extroverts' favor whether they choose to use it to their advantage or not. Though it doesn't always bother introverts, they might be a little discouraged if, for example, their engagement announcement got far fewer likes than a highly-extroverted friend's post about seeing a cool sunset.
Research has actually proven this phenomenon to be true. Cornell university did research on what they call the friendship paradox which gives comforting news to introverts: our extroverted friends appear to be "better" or "better-liked" simply because they have a higher friend count. It seems like a no-brainer, right?
If you're an introvert and you feel like you're being beat down by extreme extroverts, here's a simple piece of advice: ignore them. I'm not a huge T-Swift fan, but that "Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate hate" line is pretty much true. If putting you down makes someone else feel better about themselves, that is exactly what they are going to do and that is a fact that has nothing to do with introversion or extroversion. If you've got an extreme extrovert beating you down and a lot of other people backing them up, they're probably hoping that aligning themselves with that person will help move them up a social step.
If you're an introvert and our Social Media-addicted culture is driving you crazy, it is okay. You are dealing with something that wasn't designed for you. What was designed to keep people close has evolved into something that divides us between cool and uncool. There are definite winners and losers and which side you come out on is too often decided by parts of your being that you shouldn't be forced to change.
Bottom line: be confident in who you are even if it means that going out all the time just isn't your thing. Be yourself even if it means that you aren't eager to speak up in class or at work. Love yourself even if who you are goes against society's definition of "cool". Let's be honest, that changes all the time anyways.
