If anyone knows me well, they have probably heard me say “it’s all about perspective” on multiple occasions. On that note, I probably say that phrase after someone has told me about a certain unfavorable situation, or even if we are discussing how things are going well and why. It’s all about perspective, you see. When I say this — some people politely nod and smile. “What is she really talking about …?” is probably a question that runs through their heads. I will now take the time to actually, for once, thoroughly mean what I say by “it’s all about perspective” in the hopes that you, the reader, will be able to find a more positive, or rather a clearer picture in whatever struggles or scenarios you are facing.
Now, I am going to be honest, I am not going to talk about how you can fake it until you make it or how if you think positively you will behave positively. That is a load of, well, you know. I am also not here to suggest that you look at life with the glass half full, because let us be honest — when you are thirsty, you just wish the glass was more full. What I am here to emphasize though, is that it is very important to look at various situations through different lenses — or at least attempt to.
A lot of times, we can become stuck in a rut with our sides of the story and we ponder on that, rage on that, simmer and steam on that until we burst. But what is the point of all that? Think about the other person’s perspective. Why did they do what they did? More importantly, what has happened has already happened, so what can you or whoever else is involved do to make the situation better, to ensure that everything and everyone is as stress, drama, and tension-free as possible?
How do you this? Well, the first thing to do is to shut down your ego and put it aside in a closet. We all have egos. Some people have it more inflated than others — but that is a personal thing that I will not get into here. Probably one of the worst qualities a person can have is to be egotistical — to the point where they cannot see beyond their own point of view — and that is not healthy, nor will it get that person towards anything truly meaningful (professionally or personally). In life, we will fail — we will fail often. But if your ego is telling you that it is because of someone or something else’s fault — you need a change in perspective. You need to take a deep breath and think about how your actions might have affected someone, how you could improve, how you are not perfect. So yes, there is some self-criticism involved in the whole “it’s all about perspective” mantra — but really, what value do we have as human beings if we do not choose to become better people, if we do not choose to see ourselves as we truly are? And evidently, seeing who we truly are includes holding up a very crude mirror and trying to reflect on what aspects make us less than who we can become.
When it comes to situations involving the emotions of others — well those are a lot trickier. Yet again though, think about perspectives. Maybe you messed up, maybe you hurt someone, maybe you did something intentional, or maybe what happened was accidental — at the end of the day though — you are feeling glum and guilty and the other person wishes they had never met you. How do you fix that? Can you even fix that? The answer to these questions, in my opinion, is that yes you can fix that. As for how, well, that will take time. I have mentioned this in previous articles but again I want to highlight how important communication is. I used to be horrible at it. I used to bottle things up and then explode. Do I have moments when that can still happen? Yes. But do I strive to work on it until I no longer do that? Yes to that as well. Communication is key when it comes to getting your point across to other people — even the ones you may have hurt. But again I want to re-emphasize, do not text these things (unless you are desperate and the only way to possibly reach them is via text). Communicate openly and whole-heartedly. Attempt to phrase your sentences, your questions toward them in a way that acknowledges you were in the wrong. Maybe you did not mean to be in the wrong, but nonetheless you committed some fault. Again, put your ego aside, admit it, and then move on. You will be amazed at how far this can bring you with people. Whether they forgive and forget what you have done is up to them, but it will inevitably open up a healthier dialogue that will make for better relations in the future with them and with others. At the same time though, try to understand their perspective too. A lot of times we can get caught up in the situation and say “well they are just being too melodramatic.” But are they? By saying that, you have just debunked how the other person is feeling, you have just de-valued what is going through their minds. When I say “it’s all about perspective,” it really truly is important to remember that people deal with problems, situations, feelings, in a variety of ways — ways that each of us may not realize or even fully understand. Do not judge. How they choose to deal with something is their choice. Let them do as they please — especially once you have clearly communicated your side of the situation, your honest thoughts. People at some point or another come around. Does that seem overly optimistic? Maybe. But time and again, it has proven true, at least in my life.
On that note though, if you are someone who is fed up with another person because they will not change their ways, do not try to make them change anymore. It is a clear sign that you two do not see eye to eye. Does that mean you will never see eye to eye? No. But at the moment it is best let the other person be. You should take the time then to understand that in their perspective they may always be right and you may always be wrong. If that does not work for you, well guess what people, there are plenty of fish in the sea. There are always opportunities to meet new people and form new friendships. It can be daunting, but you will come across people who like what you like. Do not limit yourself in the things you do and the people you hang out with because things change.
Now let us talk about confidence. Why? Because confidence is something that is very hard to build if you were not born with it. But then again, who is? Appearance wise, not all of us were blessed with dashing looks and perfect hair during our pre-pubescent years. Of course, those were the years when we probably all developed being hyper-self conscious. That was when we started to care too much about how we looked, or how we were perceived. Insecurities and the lack of confidence is something that can carry over into our early adulthood. If we are not content with who we are, it will show in how we interact with others. It will show in how we choose to view things. With that being said, the lack of confidence can possibly lead you think that the decisions you make are not the best, that your opinions do not matter, that you will portray yourself as excessively submissive, because who cares, right? Or, you will portray yourself as overly cocky, because at your core you believe there is no true substance in you that someone else could actually appreciate. If any of this is the case, please again, find some way to reflect on the good things about yourself. Yes, I know many sentences ago I mentioned that self-criticism is important and it is, but so is realizing what is good about you. What are you strengths? Found some? Great, now strengthen those even more. Become a well-balanced person. Whether you are quiet and shy or loud and expressive, do one thing. Assert the good that you are in this world. Your presence matters. Your actions matter. You matter. Not everyone in this world will like you, but not everyone will dislike you either. It’s all about perspective, so change yours and become the complete person that you think you can become.
Life can often seem void, empty. But if you choose to stay present in this world, realize that not everyone or everything will go your way. Or at least it will seem that way until you recognize that problems are nothing more than challenges to overcome, and full happiness is momentary. Everything comes and goes, everything passes, but how to stay satisfied, how to stay in that content well-balanced medium is about perspective. Remember that if nothing else.
