It’ll get better, right? There really isn’t a problem. You’re just overthinking. You have expectations that are way too high. It’s only hurting you mentally, that’s not too bad. You’re making it complicated. You start it every time, you have to stop overreacting. You are used to this, so why change now? You’re “happy” enough.
Well, I call bullshit.
When it starts it’s good, maybe even great and you’re happy. If you’re lucky, that will last for a little while and you think nothing could be better. Then suddenly something changes and you start questioning it, what’s the point, why are you even trying? Why are they suddenly acting different. Then everything is fine again and you feel silly for getting hurt before. You were overreacting when nothing was wrong, a typical case of overthinking. Then things are great again.
The next time something happens that makes you upset, you start to question it again. You feel exactly like you did the first time, and yet again things start to smooth out and you wonder why you got so worried. Then it happens yet again and you start to get confused. You start to wonder why it always feels like it’s either one extreme or the other, why it’s either amazing or awful. You thought it was a one time thing, yet you still continue to apologize for overreacting and being hurt when it happens many more times after that.
But you don’t realize it.
You don’t realize that it’s not okay to constantly be questioning yourself. It’s not okay to allow yourself to be walked all over by people who you thought loved you. It’s not okay to always be the one who has to be apologizing when it’s the other person who is at fault. There’s only one word for that: toxic.
Do yourself a favor, as much as it sucks and as hard as it is, see your own worth and stop taking it. Once you start realizing that you deserve so much more than that and what everyone has been telling you is true, things change, I promise. If he doesn’t make you feel like you are enough then it’s not okay. You need to feel as though you are respected, loved, and cared for. You need to be treated correctly and shown what love is, because what you once thought it was, is not what it is. Protect yourself, take control, and stop letting the toxic people control you. You just have to open your eyes and see what’s happening.
Find it within yourself to realize you are enough and worth more than you give yourself credit for. You don’t deserve a roller coaster of emotion and questions. You don’t deserve the constant heartbreak and nights of tears and confusion. You definitely do not deserve to question whether or not someone actually loves you or means the things they tell you. If they meant it they would show it. Trust me, I speak from experience, it's not worth it. No matter how much you love them or how long you've had them there, you can’t hold expectations and hope that someone will change when it’s slowly chipping away pieces of your heart each time they don't. You think this is love and maybe realizing it isn't breaks you a little bit, but one day someone will come along and start picking up those pieces and start showing you what love really looks like.