Dear Self,

It’s OK, even though it doesn’t feel like it. I know every day feels the same, like you’re dragging yourself out of bed and painting a smile on your sad face, but it won’t feel like this forever, even though right now it seems like it will never end. Depression is not easy, and it is important that you realize this is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong.

I know there are no words that will make this feeling any better. Nothing anyone says or does will change the overwhelming sadness and loneliness you feel day in and day out. Even you did not understand how your friend’s emotions could be so out of their control. You did not understand why their mood would change like someone flipped a switch from happy to sad, but now you know exactly what they were going through. Just know that this feeling will not last forever. It will be something you will always remember, a part of your life you can never erase from your memory, but that is the beauty of it.

These horrible, emotional days will allow you to appreciate the beautiful ones even more. You have a sense of gratitude towards the beauty of the world that no one else has. Spend time outside; the sun on your face and the wind in your hair lifts your mood in ways you never thought possible. Do not be afraid to be alone; you are strong on your own and can handle the pain. But don’t ignore those around you. Your mom, your friends, and your boyfriend: they love you and care about your well-being; believe me, they wish they could take this pain away from you. They don’t know what to say to make this better, but they wish they did.

You are so nervous about what the future holds. What will college be like? Will I finally be happy? Will my boyfriend and I stay together? I know these questions run through your mind every single second of every single day and you need to know everything will be okay. Your life at home is comfortable. You have your set of friends and a town that is familiar to you. You have a routine that makes sense and change scares you to death. Once the time comes, you will realize the future really is not that scary at all, it will all work out.

I know words, alone, won’t make you feel any better. Comforting words don’t stop the questions and worries flooding your mind. Deep down, you know everything will be OK, but something inside of you won’t let you stop worrying. Focus on the positive: you are smart, talented, friendly, loving and beautiful. You have so much going for you. Focus on the things that make you happy. Sit outside, letting the sun hit your face, go on long walks alone or with a friend, practice soccer and be the best you can be, you have no idea how much you’ll miss it when it’s all over.

Know that there is a reason for everything. Even though you did nothing to deserve this pain, there will be a benefit to all of your struggle. The best part of all this is your new appreciation for the little things. You used to barely notice the way the air feels crisp and fresh after a long couple of days of rain, and you did not fully grasp how calming it is to drive, windows down, hair blowing, radio blasting.

The smallest compliment means the world to yo,u and you appreciate your friends who constantly ask how you’re doing more than ever. You were terrified of what they would think when you told them, but it is important to know therapy does not make you weak and medication does not make you crazy. You are human. You feel things deeply, powerfully, and you allow them to affect your entire being which is not necessarily a bad thing. You put your all in to every emotion, every relationship, and every goal. In this next year you will learn that being your emotional, needy, loving self should be more than enough. You are more than enough and anyone who does not realize that does not deserve you. This journey will allow you to love yourself more than you ever have before. More than ever this year will allow you to help others.

I know that sounds crazy to you now. How are you going to help others when you can’t even help yourself? You’ve learned so much this year. Usually, it is so hard for people to understand all sides of a situation. When you don’t know what depression feels like it is easy to brush it off like no big deal, but you understand. You understand that everyday feels like an emotional hike up Mt. Everest. During this next year of your life you will truly see why this depression was a blessing in disguise. You’ll understand that the horrible days you went through, full of loneliness and tears changed you and made you into a person who you are proud to be, a person that you love.

So keep your head up. Look forward to the future. It will be full of sunshine and not rain clouds, I promise. You are so strong and you will get through this. For now just do what makes you happy. Go out with friends, stay in and watch Netflix, talk to your parents, embrace your last few months of high school and get excited about your first few months of college. It will be a new adventure, a new journey that will be full of plenty of ups and some downs, but you will get through it all. Just remember a few things, if it matters to you, it is not stupid. Your open heart makes you even stronger, not weaker. And most importantly remember you will be OK, no matter what happens.

Love,
You.