It Takes Courage For A Woman Over 40 To Date

It Takes Courage For A Woman Over 40 To Date

Dating anxiety is a real thing
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As woman over 40 do you think it takes courage to date?

We always hear that it takes courage for a man to date because of the fear of rejection. From asking a woman for a date, attempting a first kiss, or getting her phone number…

It’s the guy that’s risking the painful possibility of rejection.

In fact, this problem of dating anxiety was recently addressed by researchers Daniel B. Chorney and Tracy L. Morris at the West Virginia University with their groundbreaking study entitled: ”The Changing Face of Dating Anxiety”. But… as a divorced woman, do you experience dating anxiety and think courage is needed to enter the dating game?

How about we talk amongst ourselves and dig into this idea a little deeper? It may shed some light on why you’re struggling with meeting good men. What most women tell me is they feel afraid and anxious that they will be overlooked by men their age.

The men their age seem to be more interested in younger women. I definitely remember feeling that way after my divorce. I also remember feeling anxious that if I did meet a nice guy… would I have what it takes to get him interested.

After all I wasn’t in my 20′s anymore…instead, I was a single mom over 40. I felt vulnerable and did not want to experience being rejected by a man because I was not as attractive as a woman in her 20′s or 30′s.

Now a lot of these anxious feelings around dating were not always on a conscious level but they still were issues that were interfering in meeting and interacting with good men.

Jackie, a woman I was coaching, most recently described it this way:

“I feel like I have been thrown out there in this so-called dating scene and I have no idea how to interact with men in my new role as a single woman. I find it terrifying.”

Like I told Jackie, it’s not your fault.

Think about it…coming out of a divorce does not instill the confidence that you can still attract a man… and in some ways you don’t even want to risk finding out.

Marcy, a client of mine who came to me for help shortly after a very difficult divorce said:

“If I really put myself out there to meet men but then discover I can’t compete with the other women and am faced with the fact there is no second time around for me…Well, how do I handle that?

It leaves me hopeless having to face the rest of my life alone.”

Well Jackie and Marcy are not alone in their concerns. A lot of women re-entering the world of dating feel a certain amount of dating anxiety .

The key is recognizing that deep down this is how you honestly feel.

Take a minute to quiet you mind long enough to get in touch with how you honestly feel about dating at this point in your life. If you can be honest with yourself, you’ll probably discover you share some of the same feelings as Jackie and Marcy as well as a bunch of other women just like you.

And this is where the word courage comes into play. Courage basically means:

‘To take action and be courageous even in the face of fear.’

So to answer the question, “Does it take courage for a woman over 40 to date?”

The answer is… a resounding YES!

There is also another situation that happens to some women dating after divorce that has to do with courage. Soon after their divorce some women sign up on online dating sites expecting great results.

One of two things happens:

1. They get very few responses and they never get to the point of meeting a guy in person.

2 Initially they meet a lot of men only to discover that they are married or just
looking for sex or are basically losers.

After that experience they lose their courage to keep moving forward to meet men in all the different ways available offline as well as online.

To find out if your lack of courage is stopping you from meeting quality men…Answer the 3 simple questions below.

Do You Believe?

All the good men are taken: Yes or No?

I need a man to make me happy: Yes or No?

Men my age are afraid of commitment: Yes or No?

So, if you answered ‘YES’ to even one of the questions you’re probably lacking some courage. If you answered ‘NO’…you may see that there is opportunity, but just don’t know how to make it happen. I hope you understand I’m not trying to convince you of anything in this blog about ‘courage’.

I just want to help you get inside your own head …and be brave enough to face your fear straight on. If I had not gone through this myself, or if I had not worked with all kinds of women who share this fear, I may not believe it myself. But today, without any hesitation, I can tell you this is the crux of what is keeping you from meeting quality men.

And until you really deal with this issue of courage and begin to move beyond the underlying fear…you’ll remain stuck. You will become the woman that gets so worn out and tired of trying every online dating site to meet men, of trying all the flirting techniques or the meetups for singles etc…

That you will just give up. The motivation that you had to meet a good man when you started out as a single woman over 40 will disappear. That’s right, the motivation will just vanish. And you will become the woman who settles. Now I want to be clear… I don’t mean a woman who ‘settles for the wrong man’. But rather you will be a woman that settles for living the rest of your life alone.

Sadly, there are a lot of you out there that are getting close to settling or have already settled for not having a loving man in your life.

And the strange thing is:

That once you’ve settled… and that is your mindset…

You will not even recognize’ Mr. Right’ should he cross your path.

However, if you have a tiny spark of motivation left in you …

And can get in touch with even a little bit of courage that lies deep within you…

Then you have the opportunity to move from where you are at this very moment… to meeting and finding your Mr. Right.

It all begins with you. Shifting your attitude from feeling fearful and stuck…

To finding the courage to face your fears…but not give into them. So I’ll leave you with just one question. What is your motivation on a scale of 1-10 (ten being high) to meet your ideal mate?

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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views

Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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My 'Boyfriend Standards' List Hasn't Changed Since I Was 14, And Thank God For That

And I found a man that matches every one of them.

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When I was a freshman in high school, I bought my first journal and the first thing I did in it was write down a pretty extensive list of everything a man who wanted to date me had to possess.

Call me picky, call me extra, but I'd say it was one of the smartest things I did as a fourteen year old. Not only did it make me sit down and actually think about what I desired in a partner but it also made me acknowledge what my time, love, and attention was worth. Throughout high school I didn't date a single guy.

First year of college I met a guy, we were best friends, everyone convinced us we'd be so cute together, so we dated.

But not for long. He met a couple of my standards but definitely not all of them. I was really just an excited freshman who said, "why not go for it? We're already best friends!?" After we broke up, I dug out my now 4 year old journal and opened up to the first page. I read down the list and realized how none of those desires changed and how far he was from the list as a whole. I decided to stick to the list until I came across a man who embodied every bullet point.

- Christian/Catholic

- Sense of Humor

- Cares about personal appearance and hygiene

- Caring and selfless

- Athletic

- Smart

- Responsible

- Someone I'm able to completely open up to

- Chaste

- Sweet and loving

- Someone who treats me like the best and most precious gift from God

- Someone who never fails to make me laugh, smile, and enjoy life.

- Someone who prays with me

- Someone who never fails to amaze me with the way he cares for others and teaches others

- Someone who leads me closer to God

- Goofy

- Understanding

- Pursues me every day

Kinda well thought out huh? Kinda also really long huh? Like there's no way someone could match all of my boyfriend requirements right? Wrong. When you hold to your worth and demand nothing less, when you cling to Christ and pray that He reads your hearts desires, and when you let Him take control, he'll prove His perfect plan and providence in unlikely ways.

I found a man who is God fearing and a truth seeker.

A man who has the goofiest most dad-joke sense of humor ever. Someone who always looks presentable (maybe that's the Marines in him). A man who is so caring and selfless time and time again. Someone who is athletic and who I can compete with at the gym. Someone who has wisdom and is smart and responsible. I found a man who I can open up to and let all of my guards down. Someone who seeks a chaste life and relationship with me. A man who is sweet and loving and who respects me and holds me up as a daughter of the King. Someone who makes me laugh the most, even in inappropriate scenarios. A man that will pray with me and for me. I found a man who constantly looks out for others, lends a helping hand, and wills to educate those he can.

He leads me closer to Christ daily, understands me better than anyone, and pursues me day in and day out.

I didn't know this man existed almost 8 years ago when I first wrote out this list. But my standards didn't waiver, and if they did, the relationship failed. Holding to this list made me hold onto hope that the desires in my heart were not only mine, they were Christ's for me as well.

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