"Alone - adjective, 1. separate, apart, or isolated from others: 2. to the exclusion of all others or all else: 3. unique, unequalled, unexcelled: - adverb, 4. solitary, solely: 5. only; exclusively. 6. without aid or help:
Synonyms 1. single, solitary, unaccompanied, unattended, alone, lone, lonely, lonesome all imply being without companionship. Alone is colorless unless reinforced by all."
The above can be found on dictionary.com or in a Merriam-Webster dictionary. Sounds pretty awful, huh? Well, it is. Feeling alone is joyless. It is a desolate place.
Recently, I have felt alone. Life adjustments have been made and I am handling the repercussions. There are times when I have felt weak and abandoned. Neither of those things applies to me. I am not weak or abandoned. I have an abundance of people who love me and I am one of the strongest people you will ever meet.
A few weeks ago, I was talking with a friend about my grandmother, a very smart lady. I was trying to explain to my friend how my grandmother loves others. Her love is so strong and so powerful. While I was explaining this love to her, all I could think to say was, "She loves others the way Christ loves the Church." I have always thought of God's love for the church to be the most powerful kind of love. A love that overflows. For a lack of better words, that is how I described my grandmother's love for others. I am like her in a lot of ways, including the way I love.
I tend to have, what my mom calls, an "obsessive nature." I don't know how to like things, I love them. When I dislike something, I hate it. My emotions could be considered a bit extreme. It's dangerous to love. By loving, you become vulnerable. By being vulnerable, you are at risk of feeling alone or disappointed. It's just a fact. I have been disappointed countless times. I have felt alone too many times. But, I will never stop loving. It is a risk I am willing to take.
Now, back to the moral of the story. It is okay to feel alone. By feeling alone, you have loved; and by loving, you have lived. Since my life adjustments, I have embraced my new daily activities. Almost every night, I watch TV with my dad. We watch 'The Night Shift' on Thursday's. I missed one of our TV nights and watched Netflix in my bed. At 9:30 pm, my dad came up to my room and informed me that I was missing TV time. That my friends is love. It felt really good to know my company was wanted by someone, even if that someone was my dad. It was in that moment when I realized I wasn't alone.
I may feel alone, but I have never felt more loved.
