A small line, something so simple that has been running through my mind recently is this, "it hurts until it doesn't." This line was first expressed to me upon listening to Mother's newest album, “When You Walk A Long Distance You Are Tired.”
Emotions are a universal thing, something felt by everyone, at some certain point. And by understanding your own emotions, the good and the bad, you are able to figure out the rest. You are able to empathize, to feel, the heartache of a neighbor, and the laughter of a child.
But sometimes these emotions turn sour, they drown you in sorrow, in heartbreak, in pain. You long for a time in the past, and you are anxious over some future concept. You seem stuck, riddled with fears and doubts.
I've come to realize, much like William Fitzsimmon's concept of ambivalence, that "there is no singular emotion." Because, joy is not a season, because there is hope even in pain. And as I look back now after these past few months, I can see how I have grown, despite pain. I remember distinct periods of anxiety and fear, which I never believed I would find a way out of. Situations I believed I was ever-helpless in. But during those periods of darkness, I did not realize that I was in the process of healing. A morning talk with a friend only encouraged this, as she reminded me, "You won't even realize you're healing until you're healed."
So, what do we do with this pain, in the meantime? How do we stop our hearts from breaking, our minds from wandering?
Friends, as the title suggests, sometimes we have to allow it to hurt, until it doesn't. Much like a previous article, we have to allow pain to have its say. As uncomfortable, as terrible as it is, it's there. It is not something that will magically go away, as the dusk.
We cannot live our lives in the past, tormenting ourselves with words we could have spoken, friends we could have visited, love we could have given. We kept silent when we shouldn't have, and we spoke when silence was the answer. There is no changing that, but there is power in today. There is power in taking small steps, like children, towards healing.
In the same regard, do not be anxious over the future (Philippians 4:6-7). Over imaginary circumstances, or loved ones not lost. These things have not happened, and there is no use feeling increased heartbreak over something that may never be.
Do not wallow in sadness, do not wallow in pain because of the past, or fear over the future. Be alive today, as much as it may hurt. Because one day, it won't hurt so much. You won't wake up at 4 AM again, you won't be faraway with worry and your mind will once again rest. Fitzsimmons again tells us, "Wait patiently and peace will find its way. You’ll get there someday."
And above all, we have a God who not only knows of our pain, but feels it just as we do. I have found rest in knowing that I am not alone, that ultimately, this battle is not mine. Hebrews 4:15 states, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." And in the same regard, 2 Corinthians 4:17 tells us, "For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." Because it hurts until it doesn't, pain is never permanent.
Do not apologize for being human, for feeling this hurt. Do not be afraid to express your heartache to someone who cares deeply for you. Do not cling to something or someone that is not yours, let go when you must. And above all, pray. Everything, every detail and worry, has already been worked out. All you must do is allow God to move, to have the glory and the honor.
"But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold."
-Job 23:10
