Are certain words “dead”? We throw around many different phrases in our day-to-day conversations that have become mundane, routine, and I fear, depraved of authenticity and intentionality. When we see a stranger, let alone a friend, on the bus or on inside of a dining area we typically greet them and pose a question:

Hey…
“What’s up?”
“How are you?”
“How is your day?”

These ejaculations are normally elements of a conversational greeting. And the responses typically follow like this:

“Good! You?”
“I’m fine, thanks!”
“Hey, how are you?”

(The latter of which doesn’t even make sense, and disregards the actual question, if someone is genuinely inquiring into your state of being.)

I want to propose that our conversational repertoire – our small talk – is dead. We’re excavating gravesites of long buried phrases and words that are skeletal, ghastly reminders of the senseless means in which we are encouraged to interact with other sentient, living beings in a world that demands so much of ourselves to be invested in things other than the faces before us.

We plug in. We shy our eyes; we chose easy greetings in favor of formality and social niceties in order to avoid disturbing a friendship that has yet to resurface since orientation week. We plug into looking at our phones, diving into the depths of social media, or skirting around the actual truth of how we’re doing.

This inauthenticity might not be intentional. A lot of the times we blurt out our small talk from the gut. But I want to ask myself this question: why does my go-to reply need to be superficially void? Why can’t I be superficial but also real?

I want to suggest that superficiality – playing on the surface and not going “all out” into your emotional existence – is not the opposite of “being real.” Sometimes we don’t want to go deep. And to be honest, there are certain situations that aren’t requiring us to do so. The bank teller we chat with as our grandmother is filling out a check does not need to know our life story.

So what do we make of small talk?

Small talk can be a great means of growing to understand who we are by sharing that with others. What I mean is this: what would happen if our small talk revealed a small snapshot of our interiority, our real self – emotions, experiences, thoughts, goals etc. – to each person we engage with daily.

What if I talked with the person sitting next to me in class about why I decided to take this class?

What if I talked with someone in line at marketplace, waiting to order a cheesesteak, about how nothing touches the authentic flavor and taste of a Philly steak?

What if I talked to that person I had an awkward encounter with during orientation week about that awkward encounter once more so that we can laugh about it?

Giving strangers or acquaintances snapshots of our feelings, our days, or of us is a simple task – requiring no more than two – three sentences; but it necessitates intentionality and reflection.

Imagine how different our conversations would be if they happened like this…

Hey, how are you?
I haven’t had much time to stop and think about how I’m feeling today.

Or instead, what if we asked a more directed, guiding, and intentional question:

What’s one thing you’re looking forward to doing today?

Or my personal favorite (experts only): what are your dreams?

Now I can’t claim that me writing this will keep me accountable to changing up my small talk or the way I engage with strangers each day; but my hope is that I keep myself on my feet, that I stay open to thinking about how I address people (if and when I choose to engage with someone) am I really giving any real part of me, a snapshot, in conversation? Are they?

The beauty of it is this – you never know what could happen. The connections and possible relationships that can form from deviation from conversational standards could reorient someone’s commute, day, or lifetime.

Or, it could fall flat on its face. Either way, makes for a good story, right?