Isn't it funny how the weight of our experiences don't really hit us until they are almost gone? How we barely pause to reflect on what is going on around us until it threatens to disappear? I've see people reduced to sobbing messes of pure emotion each year as they prepare to move on to the next stage of life and I've never truly comprehended the feeling until now. It's finally hit me that I'm on my last leg of college. Fall 2016 will be my last semester and as thrilling as it is, I feel like I have so much left to do.

Sometimes I wonder if this is what I'm supposed to be feeling. I'd always assumed that my senior year would come with self-assured confidence and the desire to free myself from the undergraduate experience. So why do I feel the complete opposite? There is so much more that I know I can do and contribute to my campus. Yet I'm only left with one semester to make my mark. There are organizations that I've helped build, events that I've put in motion, and programs that I've carefully constructed. And I won't be around to see it all play out. I am left with entrusting my ideas, my hard work, and my legacy to others and that's a frightening thing to consider. Not because I don't trust the leaders that will take my place, but because I am selfish and take pride in the things that I've been able to accomplish. Because stepping away from something that I've devoted three years to and feel so passionately about is a heart-wrenching experience.

I am struck by the difference between the person I am today and the person I was three years ago when I graduated from high school. There is such a stark contrast between the emotions that I feel now as I prepare for this next stage of my life and the emotions that I felt then. As a senior in high school, I felt as if I had the entire world ahead of me and I couldn't wait to leave the small town I grew up in to discover who I was and the ambitious student leader that I could become. Unlike other students, I couldn't wait to cut ties back home and get started on my journey. I didn't cry at graduation and I didn't cry saying goodbye to my friends. I couldn't have cared less what other students at my high school would think of me when I was gone. Now, I find myself obsessing over the fact that I won't be remembered when I'm gone. The contributions that I've made and the leaps of faith that I have taken in the face of challenges won't be recalled. In another three or four years, the organizations that I've headed won't even be able to differentiate my name from other has-beens and that is the sad truth of it all. After I graduate, I won't have an endless schedule of committee or exec board meetings to run to between classes. I won't have Tuesday night sorority meetings or Friday afternoon Panhellenic council meetings or early morning advisor meetings squeezed in before work. Truthfully, I'm worried that I won't know what to do with myself after my obligations for student organizations fall away.

This is the different between involvement and engagement in an organization or in an experience. In high school, I was involved. I attended meetings, paid my dues, and did my duty in the organizations or roles that I committed myself to. I built up my resume as I was told in preparation for what I knew would be bigger and better things in college. That was the extent of it. I showed up and I did what was required of me.

Now, I find myself completely immersed in my commitments. I am engaged. I don't just attend meetings, I spend hours outside of them working on projects, campaigns, and events that matter to me. I didn't just accept leadership positions, I was completely engrossed with potential impacts that I could make, the learning experiences that I garnered, and the people and friends that I worked with side by side to make goals and objectives a reality on campus and in Omaha. I discovered more about myself than I ever had before, both the good qualities and the not-so-good. I devoted endless weekends, breaks, and sleepless nights to the success of the organizations that I engaged with. I've become so invested that, now that it's time to start letting go, I find myself holding tight until my knuckles turn white.

And that is the difference between involvement and engagement. It’s truly a barely-there difference and it may not even be noticeable or understood unless it’s something that you’ve experienced. Recently, I completed an interview about student involvement at UNO. The final question asked what my advice or recommendations would be to an incoming student who is seeking to get involved on campus. What I wish I would’ve said at the time is:

“Don’t just be involved. Get engaged. There are certainly plenty of opportunities to do so, so don’t just let them pass you by. If you want the most out of your collegiate experience, don’t be a member that shows up to meetings to sit in silence. Be passionate. Speak up and be engaged. Find something that gets you fired up. Find something that inspires you. Don’t settle for involvement. Get engaged.”

For incoming students or students looking to be more involved, get out there and find something that you care about or are interested in. When it comes to involvement, don't ever limit yourself by thinking "Maybe that organization isn't for me" until you give it a go. There are two organizations—Sustained Dialogue and the Women’s Resource Center—that I didn't get involved with until last fall that I completely regret not joining earlier because I was too nervous about attending an information session or walking up to their booth at the Involvement Fair during Durango Days. You won't know unless you try and you don't have anything to lose by starting a conversation at the Involvement Fair and showing genuine interest.

For students already active in organizations looking to recruit fresh faces this fall, reach out! New members don’t just magically appear at meetings or usually flock to organizations that they are unfamiliar with. Make their first steps towards involvement a little easier. Want engaged members? Be an engaging person and start a conversation with someone new about the work you’re doing or the events your organization is putting on during the school year. You never know, that one student at the Involvement Fair who may be too shy to approach your table on their own could just be the next leader of your group a few years down the road. The classmate that sits near you could just be the stellar social media chair or secretary or treasurer that you’re looking for. Strike up a conversation and see where that leads you. Don’t just settle for involvement. Be an engaged leader and others will follow.