The common expression “You can’t judge a book by its cover” is certainly applicable to what I refer to as my invisible disease. Sometimes it can be easy to detect a disease such as cancer, diabetes, or other well-known diseases that a person can exhibit through outward behaviors or appearances. Other times, illnesses occur on the inside -- the symptoms and behaviors take place in a more concealed way, making it easier for people to assume you live an average life.
When I reveal my “invisible disease” to others, they respond in an unconvinced way. Because this is an “invisible illness” they suppose that this disease is “nonexistent”. Since others cannot recognize this disease immediately, they do not consider it too important to become aware of or to take seriously. Living with this invisible disease has taught me that, unfortunately, it is a disease that many people are uneducated about in learning the nature of it and its effects it has on people’s lives, including myself.
I have to come to terms that I will have this illness for the rest of my life. While taking medications can suppress the symptoms, it will never make it go away. It is chronic. Every day I worry that I will have a flare up. I worry that I will have to go back on prednisone (which for those of you who don't know what prednisone is, it is simply a drug you just do not want to be put on for long periods of time). I worry that I miss too much school if I ever have a flare up during the semester. It is a constant cycle of anxiety.
Having to live with my illness has, without a doubt, impacted my relationships. Through living with this illness, I have, over time, discovered who I can truly rely on. I have discovered the friends will be there with me in the hospital when I am having a really bad flare up (even if they were at a wedding that was two hours away), or the friends who will be there when I need to have a colonoscopy and will hold me after I am in pain after drinking my colonoscopy prep.
I have discovered that we are all dealt different cards. God deals each and every single one of us a deck of cards, some good, and some not so good. It is up to us to decide how we deal with them. I do think that in some weird way, having Ulcerative Colitis has made me a stronger person. I have learned I have chosen not to let my disease define me.
After saying all of this, I would like to thank my doctors, my friends and their families, my boyfriend, my family, my puppy (he always cuddles up with me in my bed when I need him) and my wonderful teachers and professors that I have had throughout the years for accommodating to my needs and for just helping me when I am having a really rough day. Your positive attitudes and kindness go a long way. You have all made me realize that my disease is just one very small part of my life. You all mean more to me than I could ever know and I am really lucky to have been blessed with such an amazing life.
