Coming back to school this semester, my roommate and I decided we wanted something to gauge our emotional standings. Whether they were with relationships, hookups, or boys we might be interested in, we realized that we were always putting in more than we ever got back. Somehow, we would always jump the gun emotionally and put in too much. For what? We would only get hurt in the end. We sat down and thought about how we could change our situation and stop getting hurt by the males in our life. Our solution was to create an investment and return chart (pictured below).
Pictured: Shreya Nakkala
How does this work?
We created two charts, each ranging from 0-10. Both of us got pins for the relationships we were pursuing. We were able to decide where we were on the chart by talking it out and coming with a mutual number. Through different actions from both parties, we were able to move our clothespins up and down. The purpose of this was to make sure we were not investing far more than our significant other. So far, it has been a huge success in our lives because it has made us emotionally aware.
Want to make your own?
All you need is paint and two clothespins! You can make it in any way you desire, or copy our model below.
What this did for us
One of the flings that I was involved in earlier this semester was the reason that we decided to make this chart. Here's my story (I'll try not to go into deep details):
I got involved with this boy, lets call him Josh. Josh and I had met at the beginning of the year, but never really started talking until he saw me in the dining hall and asked me for my name. A few hours later, he had messaged me on Instagram, asking me if I wanted to get dinner that weekend. We continued to talk and he actually came over that same day! He played the piano and sang, and we stayed up until four in the morning just talking. It wasn't until the next day, when we hung out and stayed up talking, that we hooked up. I guess one could say that I had "caught feels" for him. A lot of feels.
For the next few weeks, I kept asking him to hang out and over and over he would give me an excuse like he's busy or has an exam, which is completely understandable. I would have gotten the hint if he hadn't also repeatedly reminded me that he was into me and still wanted to get to know me.
Throughout this month-ish time period, my roommate and I made this chart. We thought it was a good idea to see where the person we're in a relationship with/talking to stands. We looked for actions, instead of words, to figure out what we were getting in return. By using this chart, it helped us realize many things:
1. Our expectations for men are really freakin' low.
We are satisfied when guys just text us or snapchat us first. We are satisfied when they treat us like how humans should treat each other.
2. We settle.
We settle for guys and behavior that is definitely not acceptable.
3. It taught me a lot about how much I should put in, especially at the beginning of potential relationships.
Something that I have been doing is giving everyone my trust, the benefit of the doubt, and so much effort. Effort that they surely did not deserve.
4. It taught me about who I am as a person when it comes to being in relationships.
5. How I want to be treated.
Overall, this idea seems a little silly, but if you struggle with emotional investment, like we do, this is for you!
