Do you ever look at yourself and think about all the change you have done. We notice the physical change in us but sometimes we might not focus on the emotional change or development in us. Things I used to love are things I might not have as much of a passion for and maybe what I used to do is something I could never fathom doing. One of these things is how I changed personality wise. I hate being alone. In fact, one of my biggest fears in life is that I will end up alone. Throughout college, we take personality tests to see which type of person we are or who we think we should be paired with.
Through these tests, we learn about our best traits and what sets us aside from everyone. It was through these tests that I found out I was more extroverted than I thought. I am an extrovert but I thought I had some introvert within me. I want to spend as much time with people and my friends as possible but I never knew why. I know that people have great stories and I guess that's what I wanted to be a part of. I used to think I just wanted to spend time with myself but there is only so much I can do.
Sometimes I feel as if I have done a full 180 in my life, There is so much that is different about me and it is hard to explain. I don't know what happened or how it happened but I guess I am glad that it happened. I used to want to be away from people, be in my own little world or just wander off but that changed when I got to college and realized it was much more fun to do things with groups of people rather than by yourself. I still stand by that there are some things you should just do with groups whether it is going to a bar, rollerskate or go to a sporting event with. These are all meant to build the relationships you have and keep the friendships that are important to you.
I did not think too much about why I loved spending time with my friends than spending time by myself. However, I came to a realization this year when I was going through a tough time. In October, someone I liked ended up deceiving me and hurting me in a way that was a little too familiar for me. I felt hurt, betrayed and upset. How could someone I thought was so close to me do something like this to me? How could someone not be truthful with me? I just kept asking myself these questions but never got an answer. My first thought was to just not think about the situation but that is just like asking someone if they can beat Usain Bolt in a race. It's impossible.
I realized there was only one way to overcome this event and it was by talking to the ones closest to me about it. When I talked to my friends and family I felt better about myself and felt that I could overcome this period of sadness. When I was by myself I had trouble though. I needed them. I needed the people close to me so I could return to myself. That's when I realized I needed to be around people. There are some things in life that can be fixed by yourself and some that just can't. I needed my friends and they were there for me.
The 180 I have done in my life is something I still think about. I thought there were times I didn't need other people to help me but I was wrong. Each day I realize how much more I like being out and about rather than being at my apartment. I want to do exciting things in my life and not remember all the times I wish I had done something else. Being an extrovert might be perfect for me. I might not be the person willing to go up and talk to strangers but I can pride myself on being more outgoing and wanting to be more involved. I want to be around people and I think that's why I can look at myself differently. I know where I belong and the things I need to do in life. I know about me now.