Choice is an interesting phenomenon.
I can do this, but I could never do that.
This is too easy, but that? Out of my league.
Sometimes I wonder if the roads I have taken are the ones truly best traveled down.
Nearing the midway point of my college career and barricaded by the need to decide on the determinants of my future is a predicament I have found myself engrossed in lately. Law school, grad school, no school; what is the right decision? Sifting through class profiles of grad programs, scholarships, and upper level degrees I find myself torn - I can't do this, I do not measure up to the competition, let alone make a dent in the applicant pool.
Self-selection is an interesting phenomenon.
Introspectively, we tend to hyper focus on the menial faults that not even our peers could see with a microscope, however to that individual - their mind acts as a destructive force echoing their imperfections. For example, take an individual applying for their dream job. They may have all the credentials, a flawless record, and a kick-ass resume, but that candidate will somehow convince themselves they are not worthy of the opportunity. Self-selecting out of the aforementioned job meant for them due to the nagging voice knocking around inside their head.
Anxiety is a wicked predicament.
For me, it hibernates - only making appearances in moments where I falter, in a split second my heart beat quickens and temperature rises. Too much choice, too harsh of self-selection and then slam - my anxiety forms a wall blockading all rationality. My expectations exceed my reality, causing for an avalanche of feelings to come tumbling leaving my sanity in pieces. Over the years this monster has crept up on me in class, at family outings, or even on dates, causing abrupt debilitation and swirling unconsciousness.
Choice allows for anxiety to not define me.
Anxiety does not make you weak , you are only weak if you allow anxiety to dictate you. To outsiders looking in there is a smiling, hard working, ambitious individual - but in the mirror all you see are your fault lines.
It's an interesting phenomenon in ourselves we expect the world, but the world only celebrates the finest parts of you and I. There is beauty in your madness and a secret behind your smile, but if there is one thing I know is that you deserve to embody your capabilities and forget the insecurities - self-selecting and deciding you are worth it.
