My feet press firmly against the ground beneath my feet as I allow gravity to bear my weight. Effortlessly I continue to walk to class and see familiar face after face, an everyday occurrence at the quaint university I attend. From my friends and acquaintances I receive greetings and smiles. They say hello, I say hello, they ask how I am, I inquire how they are and suddenly I find myself stuck in the pattern of shallow conversation. Of course, one cannot expect to converse deeply with limited time, and the gesture remains kind and thoughtful. Nevertheless I find myself dissatisfied after each generic encounter, and surely I do not share this feeling alone.
Short conversations can be awkward. When a person you know, whether it be a best friend or the occasional acquaintance, proceeds to walk past you while using these commonly phrased questions, it eliminates the opportunity for much explanation. Or, when the person instead of actively walking past you is seemingly late or in a hurry to get somewhere or to someone, how can an honest or elaborate answer be given?
Or, perhaps the person inquiring of your current state is not truly invested in the answer but is asking out of sheer politeness. Asking how someone is doing is a good way to illustrate care and empathy, but if we are asking so that we do not feel rude or out of pity, where does our intention lie? Being intentional with others, and with ourselves, creates healthy conversation and relationships, but I have found that personally acting otherwise only leaves me feeling empty. There has to be a balance in our conversation where we are challenging ourselves to connect with others that we may not otherwise, but at the same time knowing that in doing so we must be intentional. Do we have to then adopt these people as our best friends even though we do not connect? Shall we pursue drab conversation that doesn’t spark interest or that feels awkward and forced? Of course not. Simply having an open mind to talk with a person regardless of similarities and differences can help spur not only healthy conversations but will allow ourselves to act more intentionally. This result could help us grow more empathetic and thoughtful. This also means that in order to have these more intentional conversations we must be considerate of time constraints.
On the other hand, perhaps the person wants to invest in earnest conversation but again does not have time. We all know our own intentions, and I cannot say that I have not been guilty of these actions myself. After all, asking how another person is doing is very common and is a part of our unconscious routine. Friends, family and acquaintances talk in this manner daily. Because this conversation type is common and socially normal, to pursue social interaction differently can be difficult. When under time constraints, simple and short greetings may seem like the only option. This may be true depending on viewpoint, but this does not mean that we shouldn’t talk to anyone at all. Instead let’s challenge ourselves to use new ways of greeting others when under time constraints while still being intentional. For instance, if you encounter a friend but have no time to talk except through passing, instead of inquiring how they are, simply think of something kind to say such as "I hope your day is lovely," or give a compliment and move on. If you want to ask how the person is, then do so when time is more readily available. There are many nice and positive things to say. By at least trying these new conversations, we can become more intentional, caring and true to ourselves and others through the way we socially interact.
Be kind. Challenge yourself and grow. Be intentional.
