Imagine this: you are back in high school sitting in class, an average day like any other. You're taking notes and joking with your friends when suddenly it hits. It comes out of no where, but feels like a ton of pricks piling on your chest while your mind is racing. You don't know what is wrong; you don't know what to do besides panic. You can't help but to expect something to go horribly wrong. Your heart starts to beat faster and with every tick of the clock it seems to beat louder. You start to break a sweat even though the room is bitterly cold. Your vision becomes narrowed as you struggle to focus on the notes you lost track of to begin with. This scenario right here is just one way a person may go through an anxiety attack. It's straight fear. I know myself. I've fought this battle first-hand.
Over the past few years of my high school career I have faced anxiety and it is not an easy challenge to tackle by any means. The situation above was just a part of everyday life for me. I have come a great way since those horrible moments, but it's important to understand what a person with anxiety goes through.
When my anxiety began to flare up, I didn't know what it was. Slowly but surely though, I began to experience panic attacks. They would be triggered by multiple things such as taking a test at school, being relatively far away from home, or just as simple as going to school. Situations where I could not control my environment scared me. Although I knew I was feeling something, I was in denial. I would not accept that something was wrong with me. I didn't want negative judgement from my peers. Eventually ignoring the problem and pretending it wasn't there made things worse. My grades began to drop significantly. I couldn't focus in class. My body physically began to take a toll as well. I would become ill more frequently. My friends, family, and even my coaches began to question my behavior. When I lacked explanation, everyone around me assumed I was acting out of character when really I was just trying to avoid confrontation. I saw a change in myself, in my actions, and the way I affected my environment. I knew I needed a change.
Now that I accepted my situation, I could begin to handle it. I first reached out to my parents and soon after from my guidance counselor. These resources helped tremendously. The guidance counselor moved a couple of my classes around, but most importantly it was nice to open up to someone and release all of my tension. Even with this I still felt like I wasn't in a good place in life, so I wanted to see a specialist. I began seeing a therapist and from the first session I knew great things were to come, in time of course. Soon after, the school year ended and I began to see my therapist more frequently. With each session I was gaining tools to manage my anxiety and I felt significantly more confident. I felt like myself again.
I would never wish anxiety upon anyone. It's an internal battle that takes time and strength to overcome even half of it. Although, having anxiety and going through this process has taught me quite a bit. It formed me into a better version of myself. I'm more understanding and less critical. I've become a kinder, more sympathetic person. Most importantly I've become stronger from it. Although the road wasn't easy to travel, I don't regret taking it.
To anyone that has anxiety, know there is always someone out there who is walking in your shoes and understands. For those who don't have anxiety, though you might not understand it, please be patient with those who have it and help them in any way.
