Everyone suffers from feelings of insecurity or inadequacy when it comes to physical attributes, but this feeling seems to be more persistent and prevalent in women. When and why does this insecurity start? How can we possibly combat it?
The earliest remembrance of feelings of insecurity I had was back in elementary school. Kids used to tell me my arms were so hairy I looked like a gorilla. Or called me "Cheese Puff" and told me I looked like a boy when I got my hair cut too short. Little did I know, these insults would pale in comparison to the other things I heard throughout my years. For example,"Your voice is deep and makes you sound boy-like." or my personal favorite, "Hannah, your thighs look like cottage cheese." Now, I pride myself on being a fairly self-confident and self-aware individual, but occasionally I find myself in a very deep rut of insecurity, and I know I'm not the only one.
Statistically, fifty-three percent of American girls aged thirteen are unhappy with their bodies, and by age seventeen this statistic increases twenty-five percent. http://www.heartofleadership.org/statistics/ This insecurity can hinder girls from participating in daily activities like school or athletics. It can also lead to major health issues like eating disorders and depression. According to Heart of Leadership, every one in four girls "falls into a clinical diagnosis – depression, eating disorders, cutting, and other mental/emotional disorders. On top of these, many more report being constantly anxious, sleep deprived, and under significant pressure." This diagnosis can follow girls into adulthood and affect their lives in various ways. Many women will intentionally skip scheduled job interviews if they are feeling insecure about their body that day. Obviously, insecurity is taking a frightening toll on a girl of all ages, but what can we do to change these feelings about ourselves, and help others see how beautiful they truly are?
1. When around young girls, find other things to compliment them on/ talk about besides how pretty they are.
Ask her what she wants to be when she grows up, what book she's reading, tell her she's smart and talented, anything! People tell her she's pretty all the time! We need to instill in young girls that there is so much more to them than just being pretty.
2. As a mother, you are your daughters biggest role model.
When raising young girls, always strive to be body positive toward yourself and others. Talking positively about the physique of yourself and others will foster body positive attitudes in your daughter. Instill these positive attitudes in your daughters while they're young!
3. Find someone to support you when you are feeling insecure.
When it comes to my self-confidence, my boyfriend tends to be my number one supporter. After spending over two years together, he can typically identify when I'm entering an insecurity rut and has perfected the art of boosting my self-esteem. Sure, he reassures me of my beauty, but he also reminds me that there is so much more to me than just my looks. Most importantly, he shows this support unconditionally. I'm sure it can be frustrating reminding someone over and over how amazing they are, only to have to do it again and again when they continue to feel insecure. Nevertheless, he is always eager to jump to my aid with words of encouragement. Find someone in your life who can provide this kind of support. It may be a significant other, or a friend, or even a family member. And be the unconditional support for other people you know who are struggling with insecurities and need support!
4. Pinpoint what it is that makes you insecure and find ways to combat it.
For me, insecurity rears it's nasty head whenever I eat certain things or continue my bad habit of comparing myself to others. Eating sweets tends to do me in. I eat some sweets, and insecurities ensue. Does this mean I can't eat sweets? Of course not! It just means that I'm aware of the things that make me feel insecure about myself, and have to treat myself in moderation to avoid feeling bad about myself. Likewise, instead of comparing myself to other women, I often have to remind myself to appreciate the beauty of other women, while recognizing my own beauty. I have also found that working out on a regular basis makes me feel good about myself, so it is always a "must do" on my to-do list. Really self-evaluate to find your insecurities and come up with ways to fight off your insecurities when you feel them creeping up.
Insecurity is the inner antagonist that sits on everyone's shoulders and whispers in their ears that they're "not good enough". But I assure you, you are more than enough! Find someone who reminds you how amazing you are physical, intellectually,socially, etc. Identify your insecurities and squash them like a bug! (Over and over again if necessary). And most importantly, encourage others! Everyone is plagued by insecurities, and encouragement is always appreciated. As Pema Chodron once said, "Be kinder to yourself, and then let your kindness flood the world."
