When I was growing up, I always glorified the idea of independence while also glorifying the idea of falling in love and having a partner in crime to go through life with. I loved the idea of somehow having the best of both worlds. In high school, I ventured into the realm of love and relationships and it didn’t quite go my way. So now, out of high school, I decided to focus on the independent side of me and allow the relationships come in their own time. I’m beginning to realize that it is unrealistic to have true independence while being in a dedicated relationship.

I find myself subconsciously shying away from relationships and dates because I know what happens when you enter into something serious with someone: you have to dedicate time to this person which translates into taking time away from something important to you. Most girls, including myself, find themselves sacrificing time with friends to make time for this new love interest. That’s not okay; friendships should never be the thing to sacrifice for someone new. But at the same time, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice time for school or work. It’s a problem that may not have a solution, unless you decide to give up your independence and time by yourself.

I think independence is an attractive quality until you realize that someone’s true independence may be more important to them than you are. This is where clinginess comes into play. You are deemed clingy when you are the person in a relationship who needs or wants more attention than the other. I was always the clingy one in the relationship, but now I’d be the person not putting enough time into anything because I cherish my independence too much. This is when your independence turns people off and becomes a problem because your significant other will want to put in effort and be with you while you’ll believe the bare minimum is enough. From your point of view, you’ll believe you’re doing them a favor by not having any expectations but to them, they’ll be frustrated because they’ll probably want to pull out all the stops to be with you. And it won’t make any difference to you.

Independence is only a bad thing when you want to mix it with a relationship. In this battle, you’ll either lose your independence or you’ll lose the relationship. And maybe one day, you’ll meet someone who will be worth it to give up that side of you. But until then, embrace your independence. Don’t let yourself feel like you need love to the point where you are sacrificing too much for one person. Independence has become such a rare quality that when you have it, you shouldn’t give it up for just anyone. You don’t need to feel lonely because you’re alone, you can be independent because you’re alone. Two different reactions to one circumstance – one is good for finding a significant other, the other is good for finding yourself.