Have you ever been so infatuated with someone that it completely invades your entire mind and body? I believe most people have, even if they were unaware of it at the time. People come into your life as either a blessing or a lesson. Some people are just viruses. This is what I believe to be true.
The doubts, the struggles of trying to function properly, the happiness you feel. Every song that you hear reminds you of the creature that has captivated your mind but also makes you doubt the entire universe. How at 2 a.m. you're lying on the living room floor bawling your eyes out listening to “Wonderwall," with a bottle of Moscato in your hand believing that no one will ever love you.
You feel like the most beautiful creature on the planet but two seconds later, you feel like the Loch Ness Monster because he hasn’t texted you back.
You feel pathetic that one person can make you feel this way, then you remember his smile, the way he glances at you when you're laughing, the way his arms feel wrapped around your waist. Listening to Taylor Swift all night while staring at the ceiling, which has now become a projection of your imagination.
You try so hard not to text him, or snap chat him, because you know that if he really wanted to talk to you, he would do it first. You also don't want to seem desperate.
You want to know how his day is going and if something wonderful happened. "Did he even think of me?"
You'll put Post-It notes around your room to remind yourself that you are, in fact, a goddess. How in reality you know he is just living his life without you and your overall being is completely consumed by the thought of him. Praying to God for the strength to keep going but also asking for a miracle. How every other guy doesn’t compare to him, not even when you're drunk. How for a split second you think that the only guys who will ever be attracted to you are creepy older men who hit on you at grocery stores. Life without him seems boring, but life with him makes you crazy. Every phone call or message ding takes your attention away in the hope that it’s him, but it never is.
You were so content being single but the second this guy, this cancer, enters your mind, you become everything you've ever despised. What happened to the girl who was blissfully happy at the sight of a tree or who would binge-watch "Scandal" until 3 a.m.? All of this pain and agony means nothing to him. He won’t tell you what he really wants, and he certainly won’t confess his love. He won’t call in the middle of the day or send you a good morning text, but you bet he’ll call at midnight. And you'll answer because maybe he was busy and you get to hear his voice. He’ll make an excuse as to why he is just now reaching out to you and you’ll believe him.
You'll ask yourself, "Why can’t I turn my feelings off?" It would be a billion times easier, but you know how lonely it would be so you continue to suffer and move about day-by-day in a dazed state. When you do get to see him, you'll forget how miserable you were the night before and your world is OK again. All of this for one guy who probably doesn’t give you a second thought, but you’ll keep your wishful thinking.
You'll tell yourself it will all be worth it just as soon as he realizes how perfect you would be together. He may not be “the one,” but he's the one right now. And somehow, that means everything to you.
What you're not telling yourself is that he isn't worth it. If a guy makes you feel like you're nothing, he's nothing. He is a small ant in your life and you are a mystical dragon.
You're too big to let his insecurities weigh you down. If a guy really wants to be with you, he will make it happen and not hesitate. This guy is not worth a single tear or doubt in your mind. You are a beautiful creature who deserves the world and nothing less. There will be a guy who comes into your life that will show you what love really is, and that guy is worth obsessing over. Choose your happiness above everything else.
