In Support Of The Girl Who Skipped The Party Stage
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Student Life

In Support Of The Girl Who Skipped The Party Stage

From the boy who did the same

In Support Of The Girl Who Skipped The Party Stage
Miscellany News

Recently, I read an Odyssey article from a couple months ago that really spoke to me. It was a girl speaking about her personal experiences in the college partying scene and why she prefers to eschew them for simple pleasures such as "reading a good book with my morning coffee" and "Cuddling with my boyfriend of two years." Other parts of this article were less heartwarming and more... evocative. She stuck her nose up at the party scene saying, "I find it hard to believe that the best years of my life are supposed to be filled with moments that I won't remember." For this, she received some very harsh responses from her peers. I'd like to come to her defense as someone with different experiences but a similar conclusion: a disdain for the partying scene.

When I toured Vassar I was told that "parties aren't really a thing here. People just sort of chill together." I was given false information. Despite being devoid of frats, Vassar is in no way devoid of parties. There are school-run parties, dorm parties, sports parties, club parties and townhouse parties. People even manage to find off-campus parties in Poughkeepsie! I'm not really one to seek pleasure or solace in alcohol or weed (Though I have been perfectly willing to partake in those vices from time to time with minimal pleasure). However, my motivation to go to parties is fueled by one thing: the desire to meet people. Parties here do not accomplish that at all for me.

Parties are good for a few things: sloppy hookups, getting wasted and having fun. That has been my observations. I have not, however, observed that parties can be a good place to be social or make friends. In fact, if you want a meaningful connection, you're more likely to find it with the person who sits next to you in your History class than someone you drunkenly hooked up with at a party and forgot completely the next day. One party was so overtly devoid of social interaction that I walked into the room, looked around at my peers grinding and drinking and having the times of their lives, and walked out. It may have been fun for them, but that's just not for me.

Certain parties, specifically senior-run athletic or townhouse (senior housing) parties, can be a destructive force on campus. Just because we don't have frats doesn't mean misogyny and rape culture (Yes, I said it. Rape culture!) aren't alive here. I witnessed some very predatory behavior by senior guys towards freshman girls that I'd like to not go into. Parties let you lose your inhibitions, and along with that, you can often lose your sense of safety and security. I am in no way saying a woman can't handle herself: I've seen many females who can easily shrug (and sometimes fight) off unwanted advances. However, the opportunities for these advances to occur should be derided, not glorified in the way that we glorify house parties. These parties are what, I believe, allow a patriarchal and misogynistic culture to survive in what is a heavily feminist and progressive school.

I'd like to respond to the guy who wrote This article which asks 'Who cares that you're not into the party stage.' My response to that is, "Maybe nobody, but we have the right to share our feelings." Lots of people skip parties and we all have our reasons for them. We can't all be lumped as quiet, shy introverts (anybody who knows me knows I am none of those things). Part of my reasoning for not going to partying is a philosophical aspect that I believe touches lots more people than just me. Part of it is just that it's not for me. We all have our own reasons but we have the right to be heartfelt

I expect to receive some backlash from my peers and maybe my fellow odyssey writers. Let me clear: not all parties are bad and every party is a place for some group. I'm not an introvert, but every time I go to a party I get serious social anxiety because I know that if you can't let loose and cast off your inhibitions then you are doomed to fail. I know that the environment may not always be a safe one for women. I know that they are great for experiences, not so much for long-lasting relationships. Those are the reasons why I am a boy who will be skipping the party stage, at least for a while.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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