Ima keep it real with you, these pieces are not for everybody. If you like them, you do, and if you don’t oh well. I started dabbling with poetry during a Creative Writing class I took my last semester of college. For a long time I told myself I couldn’t write poetry because all my lines didn’t rhyme and I wasn’t that good at word play and all of these other bogus excuses. Suzanne Richardson opened a door to how to express myself with words and pushed me to just go for it.

Here are a few pieces I’ve written since then. I’ll forewarn you that some of the content is pretty explicit and a little dark. The words helped me get out of an extremely dark place in my life.They provided me with some sort of relief. I’m really anxious about sharing my work with strangers, because it’s personal. I feel like I’m getting naked in front of you all. Weird, right? But if there’s one thing I’ve learned through all of my rough times it’s that I don’t go through these things for no reason. Each trial, each heartbreak, each dark and confusing place is full of lessons. You’ve just gotta take the time to see it underneath all the mess. If I can help at least one person by sharing this then it’s worth it. If not, I’ll take the “L”.

It’s about to get a little weird.

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“Growing and changing. Evolving into something beautiful. “Trust the process.” Even if you’re unsure of what the outcome will be. Embrace the pressure, because you know how diamonds are made. Like a single purple rose breaking the surface of the cold hard concrete, you are rare and unique. “Trust the process”, even if your journey is disrupted by distractions, try to remain focused. For your reward is before you if you just persevere. Keep going. Keep grinding, keep pressing, keep learning, keep believing in yourself. Growth yields change, or maybe it’s the other way around either way they’re connected. Change is fresh and new, unlike anything you’ve experienced before. There’s no way to know for sure, but that’s the beauty of it.”

Once I got a new purple pen that wrote beautifully, this is the first thing I wrote with it while scrolling through my Facebook timeline:

“Everybody’s got the answers, regardless of the question.

Everybody knows everything, but everybody stressin.

If everybody got the bag, why everybody chasin

Thirsty for likes and views, desperate for validation.

Preachin that they love themselves, whole time issa front

But let me mind my business though, logs out. Hits blunt.”

Incase you haven’t noticed, none of my pieces have titles. I'm still working on that part.

As some of you may know, after college I relocated. Leaving everything I knew to “start” my life in an unfamiliar place has been a challenge. This is something I wrote the day I moved:

“Somewhere between depressed as f*** and excited.

Change is weird. You don’t know what to expect because it’s new.

The uncertainty torments me. Opportunities and possibilities battle the feelings of isolation and its killing me. Eating away at my insides like parasites. My body, a host for leeches of confusion, feasting on sadness. My pain, a dessert, cherry on top.”

If you’ve been reading my posts, you know that I’m all about personal growth and positivity. I wish I could say that I’m positive all the time, but that would be a lie. Like anyone else, I get sad, and confused, and upset. Writing has really helped me channel that energy in a positive way. I’ve tried other “coping methods” that aren't so healthy and I’d have to say that I’ve made more progress through writing. This last piece deals with the not so nice side of growth.

“So, here I am waiting. For something or someone to save me.

I’ve gotten so caught up on trying to do it right

So content with the ground I’m afraid to take flight.

Trying to please everyone else, I forgot what I want

Support and guidance like a noose around my neck

Hanging in this tight spot.

Can't breathe. Im consumed with my own thoughts and emotions

A never ending sea that runs as deep as an ocean.

Drowning myself, I can’t swim in all of this.

I feel broken as f***

Empty as f***

I guess I still care, but I don’t give a f***

All these feelings and emotions bottled up inside waiting to come out, but they’re stuck

Can’t talk them out

Can’t cry them out

Can’t f*** them out

Can’t high them out

Can’t think them out, can’t even really write them out.

Pointless shit after pointless shit, what the f*** is the point of this.

Hurting anyone who gets close, even those who love me the most.

Idk wtf is going on.

Don’t know what to fix, because I don’t know what’s wrong.

Trying to act like everythings ok, but really I wanna pack up and run far away.

Away from the worry, away from the pain

Wondering where or when I’ll ever feel like myself again

Maybe that’s the problem

Don’t know who I am

Don’t know what I want

Don’t really have a plan.

Don’t know what's next,

Don’t know who I’ll be

Don’t know wtf I’m supposed to do with this shit inside of me

So, I won’t. I’ll pretend that everythings all good, put a smile on my face and just keep going, nowhere.”

I told you it was about to get weird. If you’ve read this far, thanks for letting me get naked in front of you. I hesitated to share this. But it’s a part of keeping it real with myself.

Although I aspire to be full of positive energy and to lead a positive and well-balanced life I’m not there yet. I get angry, and sad, and anxious. I mess up, often. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and I feel worthless and confused. It happens. Instead of suppressing these feelings I allow myself to just feel them. However, I refuse to let myself wallow in them for too long because quite frankly, I’ve got things to do. I have a purpose to fulfill

Posting these articles each week has been a huge step out of my comfort zone. However, I have a gift and who am I to sit on it and keep it to myself?

I believe that I was put on this earth to help others. Not to say I have all the answers, or that I’ve got it all together. Im helping myself as well.

Peace