Growing up, I was always known as the sensitive one. I was the kid who would be too afraid to go trick-or-treating in fears of getting attacked by a masked monster or the one who would sob horrendously in Papa Gino's over a spilled drink. I don't really understand why I would get so flustered over those little things, but I do remember how awful I felt about them and many other events occuring. Even at a young age, I knew that my tears were almost irrational and were turning a situation into something bigger than it should've been. But, that didn't stop them from flowing down my cheeks.
Today, I'm still primarily considered to be a sensitive person to those who are close to me. My poor boyfriend sees that side of me the most, whether it be welled up eyes whenever a cute dog is in sight or when we disagree on things and I take it a little too personally. But, over the years I've come to form a love/hate relationship with my sensitive self. Do I cry a bit too much over things? Absolutely. But, what does that say about me? I have a big heart. I love ferociously. I feel every emotion in the book at a higher level than most.
In my head, my sensitivity is my backbone. It is the thing that keeps me sane, even if it presents itself to the world as a rather insane thing. I think we live in a society where publicly displaying emotions has become sort of a taboo. We're told to keep our heads held high when we recieve a failure or heartbreak in life as a sign of strength. But, why can't tears be strength too? Why isn't having access to your feelings something to proud of? In a world where so many individuals are cold and heartless and senseless acts are done each and everyday, why are we so concerned about nitpicking the person with tears in their eyes?
Sensitivity is such a weird topic to discuss because I feel like everyone experiences and defines it differently. Regardless, it's still an important topic to discuss and acknowledge. There's a stigma around people who are sensitive and it is viewed as a primarily negative trait, especially in men. We've got to let stop letting people tell us how and what to feel, and just feel whatever the fuck we want. You feel like you're gonna sob over double stuffed oreos being sold out at walmart? Do it. Your friends trying to encourage you to watch a horror movie that you know will trigger your anxiety and keep you up all night? Don't watch it turn on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt instead.
Sensitivity, in my eyes, is about being in charge of your emotions. It's laying all of your cards on the table. At the end of the day, I am so thankful I am able to feel all of the emotions I do and I'd rather be known as the person who felt too much rather than the one who couldn't feel anything at all. Always be the one who feels more. Always.
